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Busy moms face many challenges when they go through a divorce. Emotions are high, and you want to keep your children as safe and emotionally protected as possible. You also need to make sure that you’re well taken care of during this time and that you get the best deal possible in the divorce settlement.
Take Care of Yourself First
It might seem selfish to focus your personal well-being during this time, but it’s the most important step. The process of divorce can be overwhelming. You’ll deal with emotional trials as your family splits, and your lifestyle will also be affected. Taking care of your needs will help you get through the divorce.
Boost Your Emotional Strength
Taking care of yourself will lead to taking better care of your kids. Tap into your support system, leaning on family and friends for comfort, advice, and help. You might also try a formal support group to help you work through some of your emotions.
Get a Good Attorney
Use all of the resources available to you and hire a great divorce attorney. Even if the split is amicable, don’t go without legal counsel. Carefully research a good lawyer, reviewing their services and looking at past cases before making any decisions.
Your attorneys should stand behind you and fight when the going gets tough. You also need someone who understands family law and has experience with asset negotiations in various forms.
Focus on the Necessities
You’ll have certain needs following a separation, and chances are, if you’ve been a working parent, you’re entitled to some of the assets. Discuss your assets and financial needs with your attorney, and fight for what’s rightfully yours.
Make sure you and your children will be well-cared for financially, but don’t try to heal your wounds with money. It’s easy to trick yourself into thinking that getting more out of the settlement will solve your problems, but it often has the opposite effect. It can draw out the process, which makes it emotionally difficult for both you and your children.
Fight for what’s rightfully yours. Don’t settle for anything less than the fairest agreement possible, but remember that money will not replace justice. Only living a full life with your children can do that, and if you focus on those things, you’re more likely to come out satisfied, no matter the outcome.
Make Sure Your Children Are Cared For
Once you’ve made arrangements for your own personal well-being, you’ll have the resources and the emotional strength to better care for your children. Protecting your children from emotional damage and drastic life changes is a huge priority.
Emotional Well-Being First, center on their emotional well-being. Children who come from divorced families tend to face greater life hardships, including poor academic performance, greater likelihood of drug and alcohol abuse, and future difficulties in their relationships.
It’s normal to be worried, but you can help by being present and creating a nurturing environment. Here are some ways you can provide emotional support:
Reaffirm emotional support, and seek professional help if necessary. Be open and honest about the situation so as to avoid world-rocking surprises. Don’t talk badly about your ex; he’s your child’s dad, after all. Model maturity, kindness, and compassion during this difficult time. Explain that your kids are not responsible and that you both love them very much. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.
Emotional wounds will run deep, but these steps can soften the blow and provide necessary support.
Fair Alimony Settlement
If you’ll be the primary provider for your children, then you’re entitled to alimony. Even if you feel that you’re self-sufficient with your own income, you should still pursue alimony to put towards your children’s future.
In these negotiations, be prepared with adequate knowledge of your income, personal expenses, and future outlook. You might even consult with a financial specialist to get the best deal possible.
You might not get everything you hoped for in your alimony negotiations, so be prepared for a little disappointment. Just remember that any fair financial contribution is a win for your children who need the support of their father.
Assign Custody for the Child’s Best Interest
This is one situation where you have to distance yourself a little so you can see what’s best for your child. In most cases, it’s best to have both parents involved. They might live with one parent and see the other often, or you might split custody.
It may not be comfortable for you, but you have to remember that your children want to be with both parents, and this arrangement dramatically decreases their likelihood of having problems later on.
However, if the father is abusive, neglectful, a narcissist, or otherwise incapable of being a good provider, you may find that distance is the best option. Overall, be well prepared for the custody hearing.
Be Ready for Negotiations
Divorce is always difficult, but being prepared for both your sake and the sake of your children is the best defense mechanism. With a great lawyer and thorough preparation, you can come out strong and satisfied in the divorce settlement and live a full, optimistic life with your children.