A Canadian dad's Facebook ad for a used crib—or an “open top child cage” as he calls it—is going viral thanks to his hilariously accurate take on life as a new parent.
James Flawith, a father of three from Comox, British Columbia, posted photos and descriptions for a crib and mattress on a local used goods page. He began the funny post by explaining exactly what he was trying to get rid of.
“For sale is one open top child cage, known to new parents as a ‘crib,’” he wrote. “Survivors, also known as ‘experienced parents,’ know the term ‘crib’ to be inaccurate. This open top cage helps restrict their movements for periods of time. This is extremely valuable at bedtime, preventing them from clawing, scratching, biting you while you try to sleep. You won't sleep, of course, because of the noise, but you can use this to help get a minimal amount of rest.”
He also mentioned that it may be good for disciplining children. At least, he hopes.
“The separation afforded by this unit comes in handy for discipline, the thing you pretend/hope will eventually teach them how to behave. It won't work, of course, but we all have to pretend.”
The crib (cage) is described as being in good condition with the exception of “bite marks” and clawed-off stickers. It also comes with a mattress, which will hopefully be used for sleeping.
“With the mattress you can feel comfortable knowing when they fall asleep they should be comfortable enough to stay asleep for at least an hour at a time,” James wrote. “That's the best you can hope for, just get used to it. I recommend training yourself to take micro-sleeps when you're on the toilet. It's the only place you'll be able to get away.”
After dispensing some sage advice on how to fit in rest, the dad went on to admit the reason they are getting rid of the crib is because “our youngest can now escape at will,” which seems very reasonable. The price is listed at $93, or enough to cover therapy “to teach us how to deal with our child's increased—and our decreased—freedom.”
James included some pictures of the crib, including one that is a little too blurry.
“I apologize for the blurry first photo, one of them got out and bit my leg when I was shooting,” he explained. “It hurt, I screamed, the photo blurred. There was no time to try again.”
Since he posted the local ad, it has gone viral with over 2,700 shares and many comments in support of the desperate dad.
“I don't want your crib, but I do want to watch your Netflix special,” wrote one commenter.
James ended his description by hilariously stating that his product is a must for any parent or parent-to-be.
“If you are having a baby, you need this,” he wrote. “If you know someone who is pregnant, help by sharing this with them. They will need a cage. Trust me. God help us all.”