Sticky Situations: Loud Talker at Work

Workplace

I sit next to a very loud talker at work. Can I leave an anonymous note asking her to keep it down? She really disrupts everyone.

An anonymous note feels a little fifth grade and may only initiate an unending series of speculations over who might have penned it—discussed with co-workers, with friends over the phone. Often, the best tack is to make it your problem with a mea culpa such as “I’m sorry, but I get distracted easily”—and politely request she help you by talking a tad more quietly. Follow it up with “And please, tell me if I’m doing anything to bother you,” adding that you’d completely understand if she took offense at the aroma of those microwaved curry lunches you’ve been enjoying. Sure, she might be mortified on the inside, but it’s unlikely she’ll act overtly offended. Then, if she’s still unable to modulate her voice, you might discreetly ask your boss to move your desk—before you find a creative use for your stapler.

I drive the carpool from my son’s school once a week, and lately I hear violent chats coming from the backseat. Can I bring this up with the other moms?

“Do the kids like to talk about shooting people in your car?” you might ask the other moms. If they say, “I know, isn’t it funny?” you may need to do some further probing. More likely, however, the other moms also eavesdrop on this kind of talk and also disapprove—but they feel powerless to stop it. Suggest instituting a no-gore-talk policy on carpool days. If they don’t agree, try to avoid coming to blows.

During a playdate, a 3-year-old spilled grape juice on the rug in my home office. His mom said she’d pay for the cleaning. Should I hand her the $100 tab?

Your guest was gracious to suggest reimbursing you, but you shouldn’t take her up on it. The hapless 3-year-old may have wandered into forbidden territory, open cup in hand, but this really isn’t the fault of the thirsty boy’s mother. When it comes to toddlers, a good rule on playdates is that anything breakable, smudgeable or toxic should be placed out of reach. A $100 cleaning bill hurts, but accepting payment would be ungracious. When you host a playdate, you invite young ones into your home, including those who are all thumbs—or those who’ve only had their thumbs for a couple of years and are still getting used to them.

One of my managers has friended me on Facebook. I don’t want her to be able to keep tabs on my family life. How can I handle this without insulting her?

Facebook is a real paradox—while it’s eased connections among friends and co-workers, it’s also produced a minefield of potential awkwardness. The real question is: What are you afraid your manager will learn about you? That—according to your most recent status update—you’re “enjoying my fifth glass of wine after a crap day at work”? It may be cringe-worthy but should not jeopardize your employment (though you may want to reconsider taking pictures of your inebriated friends). Infrequent status updating will keep your profile off her radar. And of course, you can simply unfriend her—she’ll probably never notice.

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And if you are a woman and

by wellons123 on August 18, 2013

And if you are a woman and happen to have a female co-worker who is a bully, watch out. A recent study by the Workplace Bullying Institute examining office behaviors — like verbal abuse, job sabotage, fat rejection 4 pounds a week misuse of authority and destroying of relationships — found that female bullies aim at other women more than 70 percent of the time.minus 3 pounds narrow waist 7cm Bullies who are men, by contrast, tend to be equal-opportunity tormentors when it comes to the gender of their target.

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his is my first time i visit

by stuart on May 04, 2013

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I would simply deny the

by michiganmommy84 on November 13, 2011

I would simply deny the request. I ran into the exact same situation with my current boss years ago. I'm sure she was hurt and confused when I denied her friend request, however we do have to keep it professional. Most of the time our relationship is fairly amicable however there have been times where it hasn't been and that is when you don't have to have a social networking site to be used against you. If she asks for an explanation you can simply say that you do not add people you work with. I have a few coworkers who have run into that same issue and that explanation works; they won't ask you why because they'll feel foolish for even attempting to add you in the first place. Problem solved.

Your Facebook advice missed

by 3amwriter on April 22, 2011

Your Facebook advice missed out on some important features of Facebook that could help the questioner. First off, it's naive to suggest that your posts won't have some effect on your job. Your boss is only human, and although she can't fire you for being inappropriate off duty, she's going to think of you differently if she sees too many "fifth glass of wine" posts or feel disrespected if she reads complaints about work online. And what about the day you call in sick, then gush about your child's school play that evening? No one should accept a friend request if they're not comfortable. You can simply say, "I keep Facebook for non professional friends only. Why don't we hook up on Linked In and share each other's professional network?" If you do want to connect with your manager on FB, you can establish lists and segment professional contacts into a list that doesn't see all your posts unless you specifically choose that option upon posting. Even with lists, it's important to remember that FB is still a public forum. Anyone could call your boss over to her desk and at work and say, "Hey, look at Sally's kids' pictures she just posted! Aren't they cute?" And that's it. That's why people should be careful anyway of what they post on FB.

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