Standing out in an environment dominated by outspoken, high-profile men is critical when you want to be remembered at promotion time.  The way you communicate with your peers and superiors can set you up for long-term success.  It could even boost your current productivity and make your workday more satisfying.

First, listen more than you talk.  You’ll learn a lot about what others are really thinking and feeling.  Gaining important insight into their mindset and beliefs will give you what you need to position your ideas and projects more effectively.  

When you do talk, speak truthfully without blaming anyone or making them wrong.  Use phrases like, “Based on ___ and ___, I think…”  “I feel strongly about this because…”  “Our current plan concerns me because…”  Ask questions like, “What are you basing your judgment on?  What did you consider?”    Realize that what you are sharing is YOUR truth, and what the other is offering is HIS or HER truth.  Neither is wrong, even when you differ.  

Make partnership the hallmark of all you do.  Partnership is a commitment to the success of all involved.  Openly discuss your individual goals and desires.  Look for shared interests and the connections between your ultimate aims.  When you work on a project, ask yourself who are all of the partners and stakeholders.  Who else would like to be aware of what we’re doing?  Ask the “quiet ones” what their thoughts and feelings are.  Some people, no matter their age or seniority, need to be invited into the conversation.  

Force yourself to share your ideas with those who would like to know and would be affected – even when you would rather not.  Share your early thinking and allow input from others so they can play a defining role in the final product.  As much as you want to see yourself represented in the outcome, so do they.  

You can help your boss coach and develop you by saying things like, “It’s helpful to me when you…”  “I appreciated when you… I would like it if you would do that more often.”  You can also ask for coaching from anyone by simply saying, “I’m struggling with…”  “Would you be willing to give me a couple of tips on how you…?”  In response, express your genuine appreciation, even if you don’t agree with what they suggest, and if appropriate, follow-up with a thank you note.  

You also have valuable insight to share, but when coaching others remember to be helpful, never critical or punitive.  If you’re tempted to criticize, don’t speak.  Get a drink of water, instead.  Leave the room.  Write your critical comment down to get it out of your head.  Do whatever you need to do to avoid speaking the negative.  Offer your comments only when you can say what’s on your mind without being critical.  

If you feel attacked, dismissed, overlooked, or unheard, don’t take it personally.  Taking it personally means you’re emotionally entangled.  When emotions lead the way, most often, you’re victimizing yourself based on someone else’s behavior.  Feeling like a victim – “they did it to me” – gives away your power.  

Finally, if you’re hurt, cry later.  Crying is good – it’s cleansing.  But, in the heat of the moment, take three deep breaths, tell yourself NOT to take it personally, and get right back to the issue at hand.

Teressa Moore Griffin, M. Ed., the author of LIES That Limit: Uncover the Truth Of Who You Really Are, has been a personal growth coach for more than two decades, helping individuals – with particular emphasis on C-level executives – get beyond the things that keep them stuck in relationships, careers and situations that stand in the way of being happy, successful and fulfilled. Follow her on Twitter @LiesThatLimit