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Lately, I've been loving my job - how often do we working moms say that? Usually, we are exhausted and frustrated with work and feel like we're being pulled in a hundred different directions. But, I'm finally at the point in my career where I am doing what I love. And that makes such a big difference.
I feel lucky that I'm working with some fantastic women - women who are writers and mothers and strong, focused women that I admire. Women who also love what they do.
Like New York Times bestselling author Allison Winn Scotch. Allison is a working mom of two and I've had the pleasure lately of promoting her new book, The One That I Want. A few weeks back, Allison took time out of her busy schedule talking about The One That I Want to chat with me about how she juggles her life as a bestselling author and mom. She's so real and balanced and she does what she loves - she has a career that offers her a creative and satisfying outlet for herself everyday - and she's raising two great (and cute!) kids. I loved her advice on not striving for perfection, for losing the mom guilt, for surrounding yourself with friends and moms in your circle who you can depend on and who don't judge you or hold you to some ridiculous high mom standard. She also talked about celeb moms she admires, books she loves to read to her kids, her most embarassing mom moment and more.
Here's the interview with Allison - I hope you working moms enjoy!
Allison Winn Scotch on Working and Motherhood
Q. How has motherhood affected your writing?
A. I couldn’t have written Time of My Life, the break-out book of my career, without understanding that resonating bass note of unconditional love that we have for our children. Exploring motherhood – and our complicated relationship to it – was a big part of that book, and that theme is further explored in my follow-up, The One That I Want. Having children has certainly made me both more introspective and more empathetic, and I have no doubt that this has come through in my writing.
Q.What do you think/want other moms/readers to take away from your books?
A. That we’re all in this together. There are few things I loathe more than moms who cast judgment on other moms. Working at home, stay at home, does it really matter? We’re all doing our best to raise children who are well-adjusted and who can hopefully contribute in some way to the world. I think also, many of my characters struggle with being kind to themselves, and I really wish that moms would give themselves a bigger break. What we do is so, so difficult, that really, I honestly believe, as I said above, that putting forth your best effort is all that you can ask of yourself.
Q.How does a bestselling author and mom get so much done?
A. As far as juggling the mommy and writing stuff, I get asked this fairly often, and I always immediately say that I have a great babysitter, which is true. I don’t want anyone to think that I’m writing these books and working on my magazine articles during the wee nap times of my children because that wouldn’t be a fair impression. But that said, I treat my job like any other working mom would: namely, while my kids are at school or in their after-school activities, I sit in my office and I work; and then, come six o’clock, when it’s time for their dinner, I shut down the manuscript and hang out with them. It’s actually surprisingly easier for me than I think people think it is, and I’m so fortunate to have this flexibility. I can take my son to school, see my daughter at lunch, but then get right back to work; and I’ve been doing this ever since my kids were born. So, they’re pretty used to coming into my home office, hanging out for a few minutes, and then letting me return to my screen. I don’t know—I also don’t have the expectation of perfection around here. We’re sort of an easy-going, figuratively messy bunch, and we go with the flow a lot of times. I think that motherhood asks a lot of you, and you give it your best; and then you’re okay with that. I also believe in saying “no.” I say “no” to a lot of things when I just don’t have anything else to give.
Q.You're a working mom and wife. Any tips on work/family balance?
A. Ask for help from whoever can provide it: a sitter, your parents, your husband, a friend. There’s no martyrdom in trying to do it all yourself. Also, learn to say no with a big, fat capital N. I think that moms tend to put themselves last on their lists (myself sometimes included), and the only way to start climbing back out of that hole is to recognize how valuable your time and energy are. To that end, I now have no problem prioritizing and passing on plenty of things that people ask me for.
Q.You have two younger children. How aware are your kids of what you do?
A. My kids pretty fully understand what it is I do: they’ve seen my books, they’ve come to a signing, and I’ve gone into my son’s school and done a little chat (as much as one can do so with 4 and 5 year olds) about what it means to be an author. They seem to get a kick out of it and practice writing their own books as well, which kind of delights me.
Q.Favorite part of being a mom?
A. Seeing my kids learn lessons on their own and watching their little minds grow and explore the world around them fills me with pride that I’ve never had before.
Q.Least favorite part of being a mom?
A. How tired I am all the time. Ever since I was a kid, I was that person who needed more sleep than anyone else, and I STILL need it, but I don’t get it. I fantasize about just having the chance to sleep in occasionally – I mean, like, really, that’s my fantasy! Sleeping until nine o’clock a.m. Napping in the middle of the day! Oh, what I wouldn’t give for that.
Q.Describe the perfect day for you and your family?
A. Well, a perfect day would certainly entail no whining, so let’s start with that. In a perfect day/world, we’d be on vacation together – we really do all love to travel together and my kids are usually well-behaved because we’re getting out of our daily patterns and just having such a good time. So we’d loiter on the beach, they’d nap, I’d go for a run, we’d swim and laugh and just enjoy each other. Our usual weekend days, which aren’t always perfect but are pretty good all the same, involve a variation on this – we go out to lunch, head to the park, ride bikes, that sort of thing.
Q.Most embarrassing mom moment?
A.My son went through a phase in which he liked to categorize people. He’d yell, “He’s old, he’s going to die soon!” or “He’s smoking, that’s going to give him cancer!” Nothing was off the table for him. I spent a lot of time on the sidewalk shushing him and trying to deflect harsh stares.
Q.The most surprising thing about motherhood?
A. Oh gosh, the most surprising thing is probably how much I learn from my kids, not just how much they learn from me. You know, we have a lot of “teachable moments” in our household, and I think my husband and I get as much out of them as the kids do. My daughter, in particular, is absolutely fearless. I love watching her tackle her little life, and it’s a good reminder as to how I like to live mine.
Q.Best mom advice you’ve gotten?
A. Don’t aim for perfection. Lord knows that I don’t because I’d never achieve it. I think that moms have enough on their plates these days, the last thing we need is the veil of guilt because we somehow didn’t live up to a certain standard. As long as my kids are happy, kind, smart and confident, I feel like that is a job well done.
Q.Most important lesson your mom taught you?
A. Be nice. My mom rarely has a bad word to say about anyone – even if she’s thinking it, she just bites her tongue. The older I get, the more I value this attribute and want to pass it on to my kids. I think it does wonders in terms of attracting the right type of people to you, and in putting out a little good karma into the world.
Q.Other moms you admire?
A. My dearest mom friends. I’ve surrounded myself with an eclectic group of women all of whom embrace my philosophy of just doing your best, of being kind to yourself and those around you, and letting yourself fall apart every once in a while because someone will be there to pick you up. For celeb moms, Keri Russell and Jennifer Garner.
Q.Favorite movie/book/story on motherhood or moms & daughters that you love?
A. Have you seen Waitress with Keri Russell? I loved it! It really gets to the complications of motherhood but also that unstoppable love that we feel for our kids. It’s magnificent – really just a gem. Absolutely resonant, beautifully written and meticulously acted.
Q.Books you love reading to your kids?
A. I’ve been reading the Nate the Great series with my son, which makes all of us giggle. My daughter is a little younger. She’s into the Franklinseries, which I find adorable. Franklin in the Dark is pretty hilarious and a fantastic life lesson.
Q. Finish this sentence: When my children grow up, I want them to...
A. Be independent. Confident. Happy. I really think that with those attributes, the rest of their lives and worlds will fall into place.
Q.Finish this sentence…The mom in me can't live without.....?
A. Does anyone ever answer their babysitter? Ha ha! I am TOTALLY kidding. Hmmm, well, one of the things that the kids and I really like to do together is have dance parties, so I’m going to have to say Napster. We fire up a rotation of songs, and just let loose. I’m really intent on instilling a love of music and art in them, so we listen to so many different artists for hours on end...it occupies them for a long time but we’re all enjoying ourselves. Also, obviously, a good washer/dryer.
Q.What can’t your kids live without?
A. Oh, well, this is a long list depending on which day you ask them on. Bikes, baseball bats, vanilla milk, Dora music (that song gets stuck in my head for hours on end), playing cards, goldfish, their respective stuffed dogs that they each sleep with, the chocolate bars my son collects...little things that they deem critical and eventually forget about!
Q.What’s the one meal your kids will always eat?
A. Pasta with butter and an apple. I try to offset the butter with the apple. I dunno. You just do the best you can!
For more on Allison Winn Scotch, her books and her popular blog, visit www.allisonwinn.com.
