I learned many years ago what an interesting predicament it can be when a working mother works for you.  Back before I had my own child, I remember responding with indifference at the challenges working parents placed on team dynamics.  Parents with kids seemed to call in sick often and have more schedule issues.  When meetings or deliverables were missed, it was assumed that project deadlines should be overlooked because there were other priorities outside of the office.  Other team members complained about favoritism.  At the time, I had no frame of reference.  Shouldn’t all be treated equally?  After all, my coworkers CHOSE to have kids.  Shouldn’t they own up to this responsibility and manage accordingly?

Whew.  Did I really once think that way?

Now that I'm a Mom, I see the other side of the story and I think back to an amazing boss I had named Kathy, whose team I joined when my son was just three months old. When I came back to work, I experienced every emotion possible.  I should stay home.  I should be with him.  The job shouldn’t matter.  I’m a horrible mother.  Yet there Kathy was, being supportive.  With every cold, sniffle, and fever, she’d tell me, “Go home.  I’m sure there must be something you can work on there.  Take care of your little one.” I’d leave the office, arms full of paperwork, appreciative and guilt-free, heading home to my child to be his Mom. 

It wasn’t without recourse.  Kathy was a hard supervisor.  In the office, she’d hand out assignments, turn you away and expect you to manage them.  She was a forward-thinker and every new day brought a new priority.  But we worked hard for her and there was a reason.  Kathy challenged us in every area of our professional lives except in our roles as parents.  In that respect, she was right there with us, understanding what it was like when our children needed us first.  Kathy made that part easy.

Kathy was a good manager because she created balance.  She demanded much but also gave back as much.  She wanted us to do well and expected us to perform, even excel, but pulled back when the more important parts of our lives took over. 

In time, I was promoted and became the “Kathy”, and soon had employees with kids.  How would I handle it? How would I respond to a mother back from maternity leave, exhausted, but showing up to work each day late?  Or a parent missing work and project deliverables because the kids were home with the flu?

Of course it happened.  And when it did, other employees grumbled.  Managers above me made comments.  What an interesting predicament to be in.  I had once been the bleary-eyed one, on the verge of tears, beyond tired.  I remembered the days of being that mom. I knew the frustration of being pulled in so many directions. How would I respond?  Would I be a Kathy or give in the complaints of others?

And then I knew.  In life, to be a good manager, you must be a Kathy.  When working Moms (or Dads) work for you, you should help them to create a balance and then support them as much as possible.  It’s not favoritism.  It’s compassion.

Have you ever worked for a Kathy?  We should all strive to be one. These jobs are just our jobs but our families are our lives! 

If you've ever experienced these challenges as a manager, share your stories here!  Or visit my blog:

www.walkswithstress.wordpress.com

I welcome your comments!