As someone who’s studied women's behaviors and communication styles for the past dozen years, I've observed that women don't always disclose what they really feel. After interviewing nearly 15,000 of them over the past ten years on behalf of many of America's leading companies as part of marketing company Just Ask a Woman, my colleagues and I have detected women's penchant for telling half the story---sometimes as a shortcut, but often because they are 'editing' their answer to find common ground. In our new book, "What She's Not Telling You", we identify Half Truths as what women admit and Whole Truths as what they really believe and do.  

I think that some of the tales of woe about 2009 are very true, but there's also a silver lining that's hidden. If working mothers would come clean and tell the whole truth about these changing times I know that we would hear stories about empowerment, confidence building and personal achievement.  But women don’t want to tell these stories because they are worried about looking boastful or insensitive to their friends and colleagues.  So they tell only half of the story - the trips they aren’t taking, the budget they lost, their dwindling 401Ks. 

The discussion is getting old and frankly really unproductive.  There is camaraderie in complaining but eventually you do have to search for the positive flip side before you lose all hope.   Maybe if we could read the whole truth thought bubbles over women’s heads we might hear the real story of what they feel and realize there is a silver lining . 

What many working mothers are really thinking:

• I’m smart and well respected enough at my company to be spared from a lay off.
• I’ve added responsibility that actually taught me a thing or two even if it didn’t come with a financial reward.
• My entrepreneurial idea isn’t just a pipe dream.  If my start up can start up now then I really have something unique to offer
• I admit that I didn’t really need a whole bunch of people on my team to get my job done.  While I might miss the fun or freedom of working with a group it all still gets done.
• I’m still juggling too many things but I’m good at it more days than not
• I’m braver than I thought I was

Even if working mothers aren’t saying these things out loud, you can notice an improved on the job confidence.  If only we'd be willing to admit that when the going gets tough, moms get going. We might at least take some positive steps out of this mess

Jen Drexler, a co-founder of Just Ask a Woman, counsels leading brands to help them build their businesses by better understanding women. She is the co-author of What She’s Not Telling You: Why Women Hide The Whole Truth and What Marketers Can Do About it (November 2009) and the mother of 3-year-old twins.