As a working mom, I have had my share of summer babysitting help. They were usually college students who would hang out at the local pool and get the girls to swim team practice, sports lessons or plan fun in the pool or elsewhere if it rained. No one ever lived in.

But I did.  I was a summer nanny¬–one college summer for 8 weeks.  I was tired of my factory job and the florist I worked for did not need me after Memorial Day so I thought I would try something else.  Help wanted ads for summer babysitters were rampant.  I interviewed with a couple who were introduced as the dad and his (woman) business partner. The children were two boys, 6 and 8. Of course, I soon learned that this was divorced dad and his partner/girlfriend. The whole story was, dad rented a house so he had a place for his sons to come stay with him for the summer as part of a custody agreement. Dad actually lived in his lady friend’s house most of the time. The boys lived with mom elsewhere, and spent some weekend and holidays with dad.  My job was to take care of the boys from end of June to August, in mostly dad’s absence, except weekends when I went home 20 minutes and a world away.  

Every morning, I got the boys up and organized, and put them on a bus for day camp. I wrote the notes to the counselors when the older boy had an earache and couldn’t swim. I created their costumes for pirate day. I made sure they had colored shirts for color day. While they were out, I did some laundry, walked the dog, picked up the house, planned dinner and called for grocery delivery. I did not have a car. So I walked a bit, did some writing (I was a budding playwright then), or had lunch with friends who might be able to come pick me up.

The camp bus dropped the boys off at 4.  We played with the neighbors, did some reading (which was the summer goal) and created a bedtime routine.  The boys, in their innocence, asked me why I gave them baths and put them to bed each night.  I didn’t understand the question.  Doesn’t everyone keep and eye on small children in a bathtub and wash their hair and ears?  Doesn’t everyone give them a hug, tuck them in and tousle their hair before turning out the light and saying good night?  I learned that wasn’t the case for these little guys.  While they were not wanting in much materially, it seemed the rotating babysitter/housekeepers and busy parents including stepfather did not have rituals that made the kids feel safe and comfortable.  I was daily stability but I would be gone in a few weeks.

For the last two weeks, we sailed the coast of New England on dad’s yacht with the lady along and a professional captain to run things. I was galley help and babysitter. It was a good trip for me though the boys were often disappointed that dad was busy. The yacht was a floating business – he was a yacht importer! I was lonely on board in a strange way. I had grown to care about these kids and their emotions. The next summer, the boys went to sleepaway camp and I never heard from them again.

I remember that summer and think about all the ways most working moms must find to keep their kids busy for the summer and yet try so hard to make the kids happy, too. The patchwork of care we often sew together with the help of friends, relatives, tag-team parenting and more can be a struggle when we cannot plop down thousands of dollars for expensive camps or full-time help.  And then I think of those little boys lonely in the middle of the swirl of adult lives and I wonder how many kids get caught in that same eddy each summer.  

Just thinking out loud…