In her new book, Mom-in-Chief, Jamie Woolf explains how sheer exhaustion led her to start delegating to her family, with remarkable success—and how you can, too.

Kim G., a mom of two and a customer service representative at Southwest Airlines, works for a company with a big-picture vision. Everyone—from the president to the maintenance workers—pulls together to accomplish the airline’s goal of great customer service.

As a supervisor, Kim tries to uphold her company’s core value of respecting people and allowing employees to do what they need to do to get the job done and meet their core goals of affordability, customer service and quick turnaround.

For instance, if a plane is late, everyone—the pilot and the ground crew—pitches in, bustling down the aisles and cleaning out the seat pockets.

All employees, no matter what their job description or formal title, know that their first priority is to do whatever is necessary to get that plane turned around in 15 minutes.
Kim wished that things would run as smoothly at home. But with a husband who gets home late and young children with busy school schedules, the guiding principle in her household seemed to be chaos.

One evening, she arrived home from work with less than an hour until dinner guests were due. Everything seemed scattered and frazzled, and she was ready to suggest that they go out to dinner or order in Chinese food Instead she decided to try something she’d experienced that day at work: She told her children they were going to play an airplane game, where they had to get the house ready for the new passengers who were going to arrive in half an hour She told 7 year old daughter Tricia that she could be captain Todd, 5, was the main flight attendant They would do everything possible to pick up the mess and get the “plane” ready for company.

Rather than starting their usual whining when asked to do chores, Tricia immediately put on a pilot’s hat, and Todd spoke into his toy cell phone as if it were the plane’s intercom Soon they were scrambling around, picking up books and toys, happily participating—the same kind of cooperative spirit Kim usually saw only at work By the time guests arrived, the house was in order, the food was on the table and everyone was cheerful.

How to lead at home
Great leaders step back and let their followers assume responsibility. They set an example, motivate, empower They delegate. As a manager, I delegated like crazy. But at home, it’s a different story.

Why? Through some potent mixture of guilt, worry, self importance and need for control, I feel compelled to do it all I brushed my daughter Anna’s hair until she was because I could do it better and she needed me I bus the table when my daughter Leah whines that she has to get to her homework I suggest things my kids can do when they’re bored before I catch myself and say, “Wait, you need to figure out how to amuse yourselves without my help ” I fix snacks, pack lunches, search out lost library books. I am Supermom. I am Superwife.

Intellectually I know that the more I do things for Anna and Leah that they can do for themselves, the more dependent they become and the more they feel entitled to a mom who runs around serving them When I take it all on myself, when I insist that I need to take the kids clothes shopping, for example, and that my husband couldn’t possibly navigate the preteen clothes department, I’m leaving Burke in the dark about Leah’s taste for stretchy waistlines and Anna’s desire for well fitting jeans. All it takes is one shopping trip and he’s up to speed So why don’t I relinquish that chore? Why indeed. My actions are in direct conflict with my long term parenting goal to raise responsible, self reliant children and to model collaboration Look, kids, mommies and daddies share the domestic load. Resisting the temptation to micro manage yields amazing results: employees and kids who feel respected, assume responsibility and take initiative; who are willing to engage in trial and error learning; and who experience the self confidence to think independently If you’ve hit a wall of exhaustion and have decided that delegation is your way to liberation and a happier family life, here are the steps to take:

Delegate to the right person.
Balance the level of challenge and types of tasks with the person’s interests and skills The best leaders focus not just on getting the job done but also on how to create motivating conditions This means finding the right level of challenge, providing needed training and giving recognition so people feel appreciated

Decide what to delay.
Learn to let go, say no and do it only when it’s a “must do” and aligns with your big picture goals

Assign the task.
Specify what is involved, when a task needs to be done and what challenges the person might encounter Put the task in context: How will it contribute to the household or organization? Who will be helped when the task is done or be hurt if it isn’t ?

Follow up.
Ask for progress reports, check in to see how it’s going, offer support, allow for setbacks, say thank you and recognize success—both your family’s and your own


Jamie Woolf is Ceo of the Parent leader, a corporate consulting company. Mom-in-Chief  is the first book of the new Working Mother magazine imprint

Excerpted by permission of the publisher, Jossey-Bass, a Wiley Imprint.