A few weeks ago, I started looking for books to ready about miscarriage.  I didn't find a lot, especially books on just miscarriage.  There are many books that include miscarriage in with stillbirth and infant death.  While all deal with the loss of a child, a miscarriage, especially an early miscarriage, is much much different from a stillbirth or infant death.  I never felt my baby move, heard a heartbeat, gave him/her a name.  I believe a stillbirth or infant death, or even a later miscarriage, would be much harder to go through than an early miscarriage.  I didn't have time to bond with the baby and thus my mourning is different.  And my moving on is different.  I did purchase and read Pregnancy After a Loss based on the recommendation from a friend who had suffered an early miscarriage and felt it was helpful.  And parts were.  But many parts dealt more with a stillbirth or infant death (because the author suffered a stillbirth).   So, I will be marking pages to give to my husband to read, to help us discuss our own readiness to move on and try again.

My OB recommended we wait 3 months before trying again.  Part of that wait is waiting for my body to return to normal, or at least as normal as your body becomes after pregnancy.  Part of that wait is to feel emotionally ready as well as physically ready.  As I am already at a slightly higher risk of miscarriage due to my age, my husband and I are following the recommendation to wait.  And as we wait, we ponder the same questions we did before:

• Do we tell anyone we are trying? Probably not
• When will we tell once we are expecting again?  Will we wait a little longer?  I'm still torn.  It's still difficult when I run into someone we told that we were expecting, but didn't tell we lost the baby.  But the support we received when we did lose the baby was wonderful and made the process a little easier.
• Should we start saving a little for the extra expense for the prenatal care?  We have different insurance than we did when our daughter was born.  Most of the prenatal care was considered "well" care and my previous insurance covered it almost 100% (our total out of pocket was around $120).  Our current insurance does not.  We have already paid more for the baby we lost than we did when we had Maggie.
• We are already living on the "baby budget" (putting the extra daycare cost into savings).  I'm not ready to start pondering finding a different daycare for a new baby, should our current daycare be unable to take on our baby.

My company has decided to make changes to the PTO (paid time off) program and so this extra time gives me an opportunity to determine my vacation time available for a leave and what I might be able to/have to take prior to any leave.