When I was young and carefree, I always wanted to travel for work.  Send me someplace, anyplace - I don't care - I want to conquer the world.  When they would send me to London, I was so excited.  You would think they were sending me on a vacation, not on an assignment.  But I loved it, it was the best feeling.  To feel like the company thought you were professional enough to be their envoy to meet other members of the company all over the world.  Wow, was I delusional or what.

Somehow that starry eyed feeling is just gone.  In the almost one year since I have become a consultant, I have traveled for work 3 times.  That's more than I ever traveled in 10 years at my other jobs (traveling to the Brooklyn office doesn't count - I do have to remind myself that sometimes).  But now something is lurking and taking the place of being the fantastic world traveler- guilt.  I feel guilty leaving my baby and even the dog (no, I did not leave out the hub by accident - he needs to get a good dose of reality when I am not around).  How can I leave her?  What if I die in a fiery plane crash or in a crazy cab ride from the airport?  Will the relatives someday when I am gone tell her I was obsessed with work and didn't love her enough to stay home?  Will she believe them?  It's just awful.

And I really love the people who lack a filter on their thoughts.  'I don't know how you do it - leaving your daughter - I know my wife couldn't do that'.  Really - wow - I didn't know you were offering to pay all my bills and mortgage - how generous.  I mean, a rational person can not think that is not like pouring a little lemon on an open wound, right?  Or do people really still believe that a woman should stay home when she has kids and give up everything she worked for before that?  That hurts my head to even write.

Well I don't want to give up my career that I worked long and hard on, nor do I think it is fair for people to judge me for that.  The one tip that I can give a working mom who travels a lot is to spend quality time with the kids when you get back.  I make sure that I have no plans except for with my baby for the entire day I am back.  Quality time is more important than quantity and I think I am definitely giving that to her.  As well as giving her a role model for hard work and perseverance.  And fashion sense (since we seem to dress the same, but that might just be an issue on my end).