My daughter Julia went shopping in my attic, my barn and all over my house to find "stuff" for her first-ever apartment. This morning as I left for work I wondered what item she had taken that left a gaping hole in my bookshelf. Was it Henrietta, the fat porcelain chicken we brought home from Provence ? That I couldn't remember proved to me that I didn't need to regret all the "stuff" that she took.

Bob, wise man that he is, decided to rent a U-Haul truck to move her to Rindge, New Hampshire for her second semester of college at Franklin Pierce University. I was actually hoping she would empty the house out more than she did--what a great way to get rid of 29 years of unnecessary furniture and chachkas that I have diligently collected for no reason but love of things. But she was picky, as she always is, and refused my offer of the green couch and ottoman that I am sick of, and any of the chairs from my vast collection of mismatched chairs. She took just one chair, and for that I am grateful since it was a grand old wing chair I've stored in the barn for years but could not bear to send to the Salvation Army. 

We left at 8 a.m. for the three-hour drive to NH and ran into terrible traffic. Was everyone on their way to adorable schools in New Hampshire and Vermont? But I didn't mind. I was driving Julia's car while Bob, a trained volunteer ambulance driver, manned the truck. Julia and I talked the whole way up. We talked more than we had all summer. Trapped alone in a car, I find that moms can really connect with their daughters if they stick to one rule: do not ask any important questions. Important? I mean prying. One wrong question and the clamp-down ruins the whole ride.

We talked about the dogs, decorating her new apartment, what we had to accomplish once we got there, my dad's funeral and old family stories, Christmas, reality shows. The art of carrying on a three-hour conversation with a 19 year old is something worth learning for every mom. Trial and error over those first 18 years is the best teacher.

Once there, we had tons to do. Bob unloaded the truck as if he were Superman on steroids. I went to Financial Services to meet with Bambi and Mary Rose about all that stuff. Julia and I opened a bank account for her at TD. I bought her a gift card at Henneford's (grocery store), which is a great way to give her money that she can only spend on groceries. A $300 trip to Wal-Mart filled two huge carts with everything she needed that we didn't find in my house-including a rug, curtains, iron and ironing board, bathmat, shelf liner, hamper, a new bed for Bug, her dog who is moving  with her. "Do you need glassware?" When she answered no I wondered what might be missing from my cupboard, but so be it.

As Bob and I and two of our three dogs drove away in the U-Haul truck we heard a huge page turn in the book of Julia's life. She was not just going to college. She was setting up a real nest of her own. She will come back to our house a lot, of that I am sure. But she has made a huge leap of independence and maturity, and she is thrilled about her new home. I am proud of her, and a bit lonely already.