I was raised Catholic and my husband was raised loosely Christian. Neither one of us practice a religion, though we celebrate, in a secular way, Christmas and Easter. Before having our first child, we decided to raise him without religion. My husband and I were married by a justice of the peace; neither one of us attends a church; and neither one of us practices any sort of faith.

Through the years I have struggled with my relationship with God. Both my husband and I have consciously decided that we do not want to practice a religion and will not force our child to practice something that we do not believe in. Still, I struggle with the idea of raising a child without an organized religion as a foundation.

My husband’s parents both came from religious homes. My father-in-law was a Southern Baptist and my mother-in-law was raised a combination of Protestant and Catholic. Both had been raised with so much religion that they decided to raise their kids with minimal religion. My parents are Catholics and they gave us less Catholicism than their parents gave them. Are my husband and I worse off than our parents because we do not have a strong religious foundation? Having been raised with less religion than me, I would argue that my husband had a harder time knowing right from wrong. When presented with moral dilemmas my husband did not have a framework with which to evaluate any given scenario.

My brother does not believe in organized religion and I am not sure that he even believes in God, but he insists that his daughter be raised with a religion. He argues that he has to give her something – even if he does not believe in it. Possibly, if you don’t offer God to your child, you preclude your child from ever finding God?

Religion teaches us how to behave in society – you shall not murder, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not steal, etc. The bible provides stories to teach us how to interact with one another. "God" provides an omniscient being that forces people to follow the rules. So, if not religion, then what?

I want my child to learn right from wrong, to foster virtues, and to have morals. As a parent, I believe I owe it to my child to provide that foundation. As an alternative to religion, I have decided to raise my child on current events, history, novels, and yes, the bible. I have begun to draft a list of the virtues that I would like to instill in my child and I have started seeking out works that I believe portray those virtues. I hope to provide a genuine dialogue between me and my son about my beliefs. This I believe will provide him with a moral foundation.

Many 20 somethings get married by JPs and some even by recently ordained internet ministers. If marriage is the start of a family and more and more people are starting their families without religion, then why are more people not talking about how to raise children without religion? It seems that as people have turned their backs on their faith, they have forgotten what faith provides – a moral foundation. I suggest that if you choose to raise your children without a faith, then you give them something in its place. While I will not give my son "god" and he may never find "god", I hope that I will be able to give him a code by which to live by. I hope that will be a strong enough foundation.

Have others struggled with this?  What are you doing to give your child a moral framework?