Growing up the in the 80s, the buzz-word for parenting seemed to be quality time over quantity time. The idea was/is that it is much more important how you spend time with your children, rather than just how much time you spend with your children. I think about that every once in a while, especially when I turn on "Phinneas and Ferb" for Maggie so I can read the paper or complete some other personal task. We are in the same room, but not doing anything together. I thought about it the other day when I became frustrated with Maggie for climbing on me, demanding attention, and I just wanted to play one song on "Guitar Hero." I snapped at her and asked her to climb on her dad for a while. Of course, then I felt guilty because I should be using this time to "build memories" or add to my quality time with Maggie.
Last week, a young boy in Maggie's preschool class was killed in a car/motorcycle accident (he was in the car). I felt physically ill finding out it was a child that I knew, that I had watched play on the playground, that had sat next to us in the Christmas party narrating the slide show with Maggie. He moved into a different room at daycare so I didn't see him much anymore and I don't think Maggie did either -- maybe on the playground or in the morning before the older kids moved to their room upstairs. She hasn't asked any questions and I don't think she even knows something has happened. We do not plan to bring it up; she doesn't understand the concept of death yet. If she does ask questions, we will be honest and give her the information she needs.
After the accident, I thought more about the quality vs. quantity time. What would that mother give to even spend one more hour sitting in the same room as her son, even if they weren't "building memories"? To have him climb on her one more time? To ask again for another fruit snack? To frustrate her like so many preschoolers can? Today is his memorial service and, as many of the teachers from daycare wanted to go, they asked parents to pick their kids up early if possible. So I'm taking half a day off to spend some quality time with Maggie. We'll go out for "coffee" and spend time reading books at the bookstore. This time we spend together is important and it is the time that does build the memories. But I'm not going to knock the quantity time either. That time is surely just as important.
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