I read an intersting article today in Glamour magazine's August 2010 issue, called "The Cavewoman's guide to Good Health" and it talked about how going back to simple, real things like eating a cleaner, non-processed diet, getting enough sleep, exercise, and spending actual time with loved ones does dramatic wonders for women who suffer from depression, anxiety, feelings of inadequacy, feelings of frustration, stress, weight issues, you name it. The author said to relax, enjoy, and life life healthfully and without fear.

Then I took a look at my pictures from when I traveled to Peru in 2007, when I was single, climbed Macchu Picchu, sailed on the Amazon river, rode horseback with zero experience, and how fearless I was then, before marriage and baby.

I thought of myself now, and how for months now I have been feeling frustrated that I still cannot lose the last 15 lbs of baby weight (is it still "baby weight" 18 months after the baby??). Back in January I swore to myself that by the time Fourth of July came around that I'd be in the physical shape I'd always dreamed of, and swim in that pool with confidence and ease..........well the fourth came and went, and to my utter disappointment to myself, I once again sat near the pool, watching my son and husband splashing and playing, while I sat mindlessly eating a plate of hamrburger and chips, feeling too uncomfortable in my own skin but eating the junk anyway.  I did the same thing on Saturday, watching my husband and son play in the pool at his swim class as I sat out, telling my husband that I was simply "too big" to be in a bathing suit to get in with them, and that whenever I got into better shape then I would for sure jump in next time.

Then it all hit me like a ton of bricks. I keep missing great moments, like enjoying time with my son swimming, playing with him in the pool, going to the beach, and wearing cute, sleeveless clothes that I love because I simply do not feel confident enough in myself, not just to wear a bathing suit, but confident in myself period to partake in moments like this. And that is just stupid. Stupid! I keep telling myself I want to be fitter, healthier, enjoy life more, seize the day, but I'm sitting doing nothing about it. For me, there's always an excuse: "Oh, it's the Fourth of July, I can't NOT eat a burger and yummy desserts!" or "Oh, it's someone's birthday, I can't NOT have some drinks and calorie-bomb appetizers!". I realized that this disappointment that I now feel because I did indeed give in to all those tempations is not just because I still have that unhealthy roll over my jeans, but because I am my own worst enemy when it comes to reaching my goals. If I go on a healthy eating kick, I always wonder how long I'll last on it, expecting to fall off the horse and go back to my old ways eventually.

I can't do that anymore. I want to jump in with my son at the pool, in a bathing suit and NOT some cover-up! I want to eat healthy and have my family do so as well, not just because it gives you a fitter bod, but because countless studies prove without a doubt that eating healthy, nutritious food helps battle depression, anxiety, and gives you overall more energy, something all moms need! I refuse to sit back and look at my life one day and say "I wish I had....", whether that means I wish I had been in fitter,healthier shape or I wish I had pursued my dream of being a fashion/beauty columinst, or I wish I had traveled the world, or I wish I had held my loved ones more, or any of my other dreams. Dreams only come true if you pursue them, and it's so completely cliche, but aren't the things that are most "cliche' in life the most true?

Live the life you love and love the life you live. Love your children more, love your husband, kiss him more, drop those last pounds (or don't, if you like it there!) and wear that dress/bathing suit/top/whatever and dive into life without regret. As I will now start doing.