My husband bought me a mailbox for my birthday.  You read correctly – a mailbox. – and yes, it’s what I really wanted.  After almost ten years in the same house with the saddest looking mailbox on the block, I finally got my shiny new mailbox.  I’ve been tolerant of the state of the mailbox for years, but the final straw came when I noticed that after my husband threw away the balloons attached to the mailbox for my daughter’s birthday, he tied the balloon ribbons around the base of the box.  And there they remain, three months later, holding up the box on its post.

As my husband will readily admit, he’s not good with birthdays and official holidays, that’s my department.  As much as I have moaned and whined during 17+ years of marriage, his response is always a version of, “Get something for yourself that you really want.”  He has done well picking out a card and buying a cake with the kids’ help.  We have rallied back and forth on this issue for years.  My family sends cards for every occasion; his does not.  I had an interesting conversation about card-giving with a colleague at work two Christmases ago.  She said that often, she feels that sending a card is a substitute for real communication; that is, taking the time to call someone, hear her voice, and engage in real conversation. A card is a thoughtful gesture, but little more.  My colleague may have a point.  My husband truly doesn’t care about a card, cake, and gifts for himself. I treasure my birthday, even more so since becoming a parent and growing older. I still drop hints about a gift, but I don’t expect much.  A couple of weeks ago I mentioned nonchalantly, ‘how about getting us a new mailbox for my birthday?’  I didn’t think more about it until he and the kids came home with a new mailbox last week.  Hallelujah!  It’s a fancy mailbox too – bronze finish, brass “MAIL” plaque, with a lock and key!

What makes this gift so special and significant is that it is a contribution to our family and our home. It’s about “us,” not “me.”  After all, how many pairs of earrings or sweaters do I really need?   I realize that it’s not that my husband hasn’t heard my requests for a birthday gift each year, it’s just that they weren’t meaningful, especially since, truth be told, I do buy myself all that other stuff anyway.  The mailbox will be the first thing that I see each day when I drive into the driveway after work and it will make me smile.  As I joked with my husband, I’m sure it will make the mail carrier smile too!

In many ways, the mailbox represents a commitment to our home together and caring for it to shelter and sustain us for the future.  Now I just hope it doesn’t take another 10 years before he installs it!