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Last night, as my husband and I were laying in bed with our two year old son between us, I felt a tapping on my leg. We couldn't speak to each other in words for fear of waking the baby who had only just fallen asleep after a bedtime story. I crawled to the end of the bed and leaned in to ask my husband, "is that Morse Code?" I knew it wasn't actually Morse Code, as neither one of us knows Morse Code; it was just a sign that he wanted some attention once we put the baby in his room. Yes, we read our twenty-five month old son stories in our bed every night, let him fall asleep, and then carry him asleep to his crib. Yes, he sleeps through the night in his crib and no, when he wakes up in the middle of the night because of a loud noise, he is hot, or something else (excluding illness), we do not bring him in bed with us. Okay, now that the confessional is done, I can get back to my blog.
So this tapping got me to thinking about the language of a family. The secret language that develops over time. My husband and I have always had a language of our own from our shared experiences, e.g., a fork means I love you, Mooon spells anything (Stephen King movie), our feet meet under the covers (the Story of Us), and a comma means I love you more (in jest). Most of our code was developed while we were dating, but some of our code was drafted while we were on vacations after we were married.
Pre-baby working as a lawyer, often 60-80 per week, meant that we sometimes went whole weeks without seeing each other in person. Over the years, we stopped developing new code. In our interactions, we relied increasingly on the code of our past.
Before and after the birth of my son, I worried that even though I worked part-time (40-50 hours per week), we would not have a real sense of family closeness because of the limited amounts of time we would all spend together. But I think we do and our speaking in code is evidence of that.
Whenever my son or husband sees a turtle, one of them says "dude," "totally," or "sweet," and if they are together, they must give each other a noggin. Yes, they are Finding Nemo fans. This past weekend, while the three of us were building a walkway, desiring some assistance carrying bricks, I called out "Oh, Tootles". My husband and son both laughed, and my husband asked "and what mouseca tool would you like?" And when our son wants us to play with him, he will often look for the closest object and say, "My ____(fill in the blank)___," which prompts my husband or I to say "Noooo, my ____(fill in the blank)___." We then break into laughter and proceed to tease each other.
To my two year-old a turtle is not just a turtle. He sees a turtle and he instantly has a dialogue with my husband and one that someone outside our family could not understand. They speak to each other in code. Our family is developing its own language.
So what is the language of your family? Do you speak in Morse Code?
