I almost forgot to have a baby. I figured when it finally happened, I’d be ready. I was mature (ouch!). I’d been with my husband 15 years and helped raise my stepdaughters while successfully building and managing a financial advisory firm. In my mind, the better part of my life was spent taking care of people and building a secure foundation. I had the audacity to think motherhood would come easy. Reality continues to prove otherwise.

When I met my husband, Howard, he was divorced and raising two young daughters. Between helping with the girls and running hard with my career, I deferred my desire for children. My early forties hit before I got serious about conceiving. Over an 18-month period, I got pregnant, miscarried and had two unsuccessful attempts at in vitro fertilization. Emotionally exhausted, we took a vacation to regroup and discuss options…and I got pregnant. Jameson Charles arrived two weeks before my forty-fifth birthday.

What can I say? Jamie has changed how I see and do everything. I expected the deep, binding and indescribable love. What I didn’t expect was the constant, all-consuming worry. I thought my age and experience absolved me from unnecessary worry! But when I lie in bed straining to hear his breath, my mind wanders to the future. Throughout my career, I’ve helped people plan for down the road. Now I had to take my own advice and untangle my emotions, clear my calendar, get into thorny conversations and tackle some fundamental issues. In doing so, Howard and I (and our estate attorney) came up with some solutions that allow me to worry less and enjoy more.

Remove rose-colored glasses
The first order of business was for Howard and me to update our wills. I advise clients to have these documents updated every five years, particularly if they have children. Our wills direct the disposal of our property and enable us to appoint Jamie’s guardian. If we were to die without wills, a state judge would appoint his guardian, a chance I’m not willing to take.

Mommy is irreplaceable, but…
When thinking about Jamie’s guardian, we decided we wanted him to be with family. None of our three family frontrunners was ideally suited. My mother is healthy and vibrant in her late sixties but may not be able to keep up with a little boy indefinitely. My stepdaughters adore their brother but are too young to be strapped with his care. Our solution? A perfect combination. My mother will act as guardian until my older stepdaughter turns 30.

A matter of trust
We also had to think about the disposal of our property. We decided to leave everything to our children equally, with some considerations. My stepdaughters are good at a lot of things, but money management isn’t high on that list. We worried about whether they would make the best financial decisions for Jamie’s future. A trust is a handy tool in this instance. We left our assets in trust for the bene fit of the children and named a trustee to oversee its financial aspects.

Fair, not equal
My stepdaughters have four parents, while Jamie has two. They were nearly adults when he was born. If Howard and I were to die, Jamie would need more financial resources than they. Life insurance is an inexpensive way to solve an expensive problem. I purchased a policy solely for his benefit in an amount that would provide housing, college and a nest egg to pave his way. Much like motherhood, longterm planning is emotionally tumultuous.

There are defined steps, but few perfect answers. What’s clear, however, is the relief felt when it’s completed. I still worry about every sniffle, but I rest easier knowing I have provided for Jamie’s future. I feel better knowing that I’ve done everything I could to have our hopes and dreams for Jamie live on.

Alexandra Levi, a registered representative, is the cofounder of Element Financial Group, a women-owned and -managed financial advisory firm in New York City.