Q: My husband and I both work, but our different spending habits cause battles. I like to enjoy life with occasional splurges. My husband believes that we should limit ourselves to essentials, 
because either of us could lose our job at any time. How can we stop this bickering?

A: Opposites attract—and this can be a good thing 
because it adds balance to household decision-making. It also adds strife if you lose sight of what you gain when you marry your opposite. 
It’s important for both of you to keep in mind that your husband’s restraint in spending balances your 
exuberance. Meanwhile, you provide the opportunity 
for him and your children to let go and enjoy. What you want to do is acknowledge this together.

Rather than fight about the differences, focus on creating a partnership around budgeting. Ask each other: “What would it look like if we valued the other’s perspective and listened openly to each other?” 
Decide what’s important to both of you. What do you agree on? This could include some of the following: an education for your children, family vacations that build connection and lasting memories, dinners out without the children, relaxing time to ease tensions (which helps to ensure productivity at work), and so on.

Gently help your husband get away from focusing on a budget that’s based on impending doom and gloom. That’s not at all 
motivating to you—and could in fact fuel anxiety in you both. Anxiety undermines productivity as well as your capacity to enjoy life. You want your budgeting to be a positive experience for the two of you that helps you accomplish your goals and explore your 
mutual interests. 

Mary Lynne Heldmann a high-level executive coach,  is a senior consultant at the Mark Cunningham Group.