We chatted for about an hour and then he decided to get dressed.   I followed shortly after and we finished the last-minute packing. A hundred things were going through my mind. Does he have everything? Will he be ok? Is he going to forget to brush his teeth? Will he eat junk food? (Ok.  I knew the answer to that one!)

 

Everything was going along fine until I pestered him about having something to eat before he left. It would be a long ride and there was no food on the bus. He insisted he was not hungry, but I convinced him to at least get a muffin “just in case.”   That’s when things started to go downhill.

 

We headed off to Dunkin’ Donuts for a blueberry muffin. He told me that no food was allowed on the bus and he didn’t want to carry the bag. Net/net, he didn’t want the dumb muffin, but my motherly instincts knew he’d be hungry and so I kept pushing. Well, I pushed so hard that we ended up having a bit of a spat and our last 15 minutes together which could’ve been spent in harmony, ended up being spent in  conflict. Over what? A Dunkin’ Donuts blueberry muffin.

 

When we arrived at his school, instead of a warm hug and kiss goodbye, I got a quick ‘half-hug’ and a ‘bye mom’ as he ran off with his friends. Now I’m not naïve enough to think that he would’ve given me a big hug and kiss in front of all his friends even if things went well that morning. But I would’ve like to have at least given him a hug at home, told him I loved him, and that I hoped he would have a great time.

 

On the way back to my car, with tears in my eyes, I wasn’t sure who I was crying for more. Him or me? Him – because this is his first real trip away from home and it didn’t start off too well. Or me – angry with myself for pushing so hard for him to do something he clearly did not want to do. Either way, we both lost out.

 

As a mother, you think you know what’s best for your children. And most of the time you do. But I think at the ripe old age of 12, my son knows when he’s hungry and when he’s not. And as his mother, I should also know this.

 

It’s been more than 24 hours since he’s been gone. The house is quieter.  And while I do not miss the constant bickering between him and his sister, I miss my son. And I hope he is having a good time and that he is brushing his teeth, and not eating junk food. And yes…that maybe he misses me too, even just a little bit.

 

I’m sure we will both come out of this little separation appreciating each other a bit more than we did.  But why is it that we didn’t appreciate each other more when we were together?  I know it is human nature to take people and things for granted. We all do it and then regret it when situations change or people are gone.   And while I try to be ever-mindful of all the good in my life and appreciate it, like many, I forget.

 

So, whether he likes it or not, he’s getting a big hug and kiss from me on Friday night. But I’ll resist the temptation until we’re home…away from his friends. Because guess what? He does know what’s best for him sometimes too.