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"Aunt Kris, can you throw me up in the air just like Sam?" asked my four year-old niece Abby. "Yes," I explained, "as soon as I put Sam down. He can't swim yet." I continued to toss my two year old son up into the air, while he laughed. In my chest, I felt guilt. I wanted to be able to toss both children at once, but I could not. I stopped tossing Sam and proceeded to let him practice swimming, but I could still feel the guilt.
Later that afternoon, Sam seemed sleepy and asked for carriage. I left him in my mother's care, hurried up numerous steps, procured his stroller, and carried it back down to the pool. Upon arrival, my niece, asked for her stroller. As it turns out, she too was tired. So, my brother, hurried up numerous steps, procured her stroller, and carried it back down to the pool. I walked my niece around the pool while my mother walked my son. My niece fell asleep and my son just rested, eyes open, but not talking or moving, just relaxing. Eventually, he became restless and knocked over his stroller. He started to cry, and in an effort to distract him, my father gave him a small, red tow truck. Sam was delighted. He sat playing with his tow truck. Upon my niece's waking up, she saw the tow truck and asked to see it. I had my son hand it over, so that she could see it. Then she explained that it was her turn to play with the tow truck, since she had been sleeping. We have been working with both of the kids trying to teach them that they have to share with each other and take turns. While it felt wrong, to make my son have to give up something that he was in the middle of using, she did have a point, and I was still feeling guilty, so I told her that she could play with the little, red tow truck.
Sam, no longer having a toy, and somewhat confused by having to give up the tow truck, declared "my tow truck. I want it." I explained that he had to share with his cousin and that I would take him to get another toy. So we hurried up numerous steps, procured several toy cars, and carried them back down to the pool. I had collected 4 toy cars, anticipating the need to share, so each child would be able to have two. Unfortunately, the cars were covered in some cream that had spilled in my diaper bag, so we had washed them off and wrapped them in a wash cloth, which became the toy for my son. By the time that we got back down to the pool, he was enjoying the cars all wrapped up in the wash cloth. Upon seeing that my son had returned with some new object, my niece came over to inquire of its contents. I explained that he had toy cars that he was cleaning them. She again explained that he had to share. Again, I thought, yes, he does have to share, but then I thought why should he have to give up another toy, just because she demanded it? Still I was feeling guilty. Again, my niece said, he has to share. Perplexed, I devised what I thought was a great solution, I suggested that she return the tow truck to him, which is the toy that he really wanted, and I was sure that he would share the toy cars with her. She said no; she wanted to tow truck and the toy cars. Then my son declared, "I don't want to see Abby."
I know that kids will be kids, but as the adults, I feel like we are failing them. We constantly preach taking turns, but who decides when a turn is up or should start? In an effort to stop the fighting, we often bring two of the same of everything, but that does not teach the children to share.
How do you teach your children to share? How do you moderate handle sharing when one of the children is not yours?
