My search continues for the best childcare facilities. This search has been so intense and unpredictable that it could be made into a reality show, “Who Wants to Burp My Baby?”

One thing is certain--settling on the place you feel comfortable leaving your innocent child for eight to ten hours a day is a difficult decision. I realize that I won’t find a provider who will care for my baby exactly as I would. And I know there is no such thing as the perfect childcare facility, but I’m not asking for much. There are just a few things I’d prefer not to experience on my initial visit:

1. A fish tank so polluted that the fish look like they are swimming in Mello Yello.
2. Open access for Jack the Ripper or anyone else to enter the facility—unlocked doors and no security system.
3. The smell of corn chips and feet funk slapping me in the face as I enter the facility.
4. Children using latex gloves (clean or dirty--who knows?) as teething rings.
5. Confusion of whether I have entered a childcare facility or a medical practice administering enema treatments for colon cleansings.

I wish I made this stuff up...