If I've learned anything over these past 3 years (giving birth, getting my first job out of college, getting married) it's that I really value my time alone. I like being able to sit in a quiet room and focus on what I'm doing, without having to make conversation or check up on someone else.
It's nice when I'm at home, but my inclination to isolate myself is seen as a negative when I'm at work. Year after year, my boss stresses how much she values face-to-face time with me. We've discussed it at my performance reviews, and I've made a little effort to improve. Yet I still feel that I fall short. It's very difficult for me to walk into my boss' office, discuss what I'm working on, and ask for her input. I don't know why. It just is what it is. Maybe I'm intimidated. Maybe I still feel like the same fresh-out-of-college intern I was before I landed this job.
Or maybe motherhood has something to do with it. Maybe. At work, I have the opportunity to close the door to my office and no one goes hungry. No one needs me to wipe their butt or refill their sippy cup. I can...breathe. I can simply focus on one thing at once. Maybe that's my problem. I see work as an escape from the demands of parenthood.
I don't know how to make myself more outgoing, more confident. So I guess I will just fake it. I'll fake it unttil it makes sense to me, until it is simply a part of who I am.