From the time that I was in high school until I became a mother, my motto had always been, "If it does not kill you, it only makes you stronger." Not bad words to live by, but certainly not positive ones, since the outcome might be death.  
 
After having my son, I started to think about what made me, me, and what was the type of person that I wanted to become. I am still on that journey of self discovery, but I now have new motto, admittedly, stolen from a famous little blue engine: "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."
 
Of course, there are days where I want to burry my head and declare, "I don't want to!" Sometimes, it is impossible to be a good mom and good at my job.  But I tell myself, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can. 
 
I remember reading The Opt- out Revolution (By Lisa Belkin; Published New York Times: October 26, 2003) shortly after it was published. I was a first year associate at a large Boston law firm, and I read the article with extreme interest and horror.  The idea that I would stop practicing law after I had a family was inconceivable at the time.  What I did not account for, was what the daily grind would feel like.  If you can never give 100% to anything, then you (as in me) won't feel a true sense of accomplishment at anything that you do. 
 
My law practice has changed dramatically, since I had a baby.  Part of the change has resulted from the current economic climate, i.e., as a corporate lawyer, there are have not been a lot of corporate deals. On the other hand, part of the change has come from the new boundaries that I have set for myself. I now work part-time, 7:30-3:30, 5 days week. You will almost never find me at my desk past 5:30.  Prior to having my son, my husband would have described me as a workaholic. I was often in the office for 15 hours a day, sleeping under my desk, and loving every minute of it! 
 
Honestly, I miss those days. Part of me loves to throw myself into my work, but I cannot imagine not seeing my child almost every day. I relish giving him his bath and reading bedtime stories together. He will be little for a short time and I will not be able to get that time back. So, yes, there may be 100 hour work weeks again in my future, but hopefully, not for years to come.
 
There are days that my life feels overwhelming, but there are other days where I feel incredibly successful. My mother recently told me that I am "way too busy", but my response surprised even me: "Probably not too busy - just a full life.  a good life." 
 
I have chosen not to opt out, but I have chosen to modify my career, at least for a time. For me, part of being a good mom, means having a career. Having a career and being a mom is certainly a challenge - a challenge, which I plan to explore in this blog.
 
Sometimes life is hard, but you only get out of it what you put into it. And so, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.