What is it about performance reviews that make you so irrational?

We just got finished with reviews at the nonprofit where I work and let me tell you, I was a mess the whole week before. I had just come off my biggest project of the year where I had a few stumbles (a learning curve, really) and wasn't feeling confident about my performance at all. I started going to extreme lengths to cope, like watching medicine dramas on TV to convince myself that even if I sucked at my job, it wasn't like the mistakes I made meant that someone could die, like on ER or even Scrubs.

But I came through with a glowing review. I was rated even higher than the previous year. So where was the disconnect? Why did I see myself as horribly incompetent when my boss thought I was a great asset to the team?

The problem is that I rate myself harder than anyone else will. If there's something that slips through the cracks, or I miss a self-imposed deadline, or I need revisions on something, I'm devastated. I almost can't breathe. I set myself to an impossibly high standard and whenever I feel like I've missed my best performance, I'm crushed.

I realized that I'm like this in every aspect of my life, holding myself up to an impossible ideal of perfection every single day. Especially as a mom.

If I lose my patience with my kids, I'm hurting, thinking I've scarred them for life. If I decide to have a weekend where we just relax at home, I feel like a slacker and I need to enroll them in some classes at the next available opportunity. If they are eating crap food, I feel like it's directly related to my ability to call myself a good mom.

But if I take a step back and look at the big picture and not just my missteps, I think I'll be pleasantly surprised. My kids are happy and healthy. They're smart. They always have enough to eat. They wear cute clothes. We live in a really good neighborhood. They like their teachers at daycare. They get along with everybody. They smile a lot. They laugh a lot.

If all that doesn't say that I'm doing a great job, I don't know what does. It's time I stop grading myself so harshly and rejoice in my obvious successes.