Sometimes I question why I go to work.  It has become harder and harder to justify the time away from my children, especially when they are sick.  Today is one of those days… where I confess that I almost turned around, called work and quit.  But I did not… I trudged along and hopped on the train to go to work.  Because the bigger picture is, I need to work.  Ugh. Depressing.

 A working mother is one of the hardest professions out there.  Before I was a mother, I did not know what the big deal was, but now I do.  The big deal is that your job never ends.  You cannot take a day off or call time out because someone needs you.  You have to learn hard and fast to not be selfish, provide and do the best that you can for that person you brought into this world.

I did not know what it entailed to become a “mother”.  I just knew I had one and how hard can it be?  My mom “seemed” to have it easy… because you know, I was a good girl : and I think I turned out well.  Well, I have come to a realization that it is hard. I look back at the times when I made my mother’s life difficult without realizing it or knowing what the consequences are.  I did not know that I would feel so depressed, torn, excited and glad at the same time. 

I am depressed because I hated leaving my children today knowing that they are sick. That they will get the cuddles that they want from someone else and not from me.  But in away I was glad to get a break because one of my girls kept me up all night because she was sick. I can zone out at work and leave the worrying at home for a minute.

When I am at work, I get to take a break from my “mommy life” but then my “work life” stresses me out.  It is a never-ending circle… I feel like I cannot get a grip, get ahead or just keep up.  Maybe its just one of those days where I really should just curl up in bed with a good book.

God. I do not even know when the last time I picked up a book to read!

Maybe this is a wakeup call. To take it easy, smell the roses and get better at prioritizing.  I think I hear a New Year’s resolution taking shape! I think its time I seriously try harder at balancing my life.  Now this sounds like a plan.