Preschoolers The desire to please parents is paramount, so make sure your expectations are reasonable and realistic. Preschoolers (especially boys) have short attention spans, so giving directions and tasks should be tailored to capabilities. To increase success, choose a day-care program and preschool aimed at your child’s learning style. Watch out for competitive sports teams; put emphasis on fun and learning basic skills, or the outcome will be tears of frustrations and the desire to quit.

Grade Schoolers Sports, activities and contests become competitive, and confidence can tumble if expectations are not appropriate. Watch out for overscheduling: Too many activities can lead to stress and wanting to give up. Kids at this age may not have the words or confidence to express frustrations, so they may simply ask to quit the team, class or activity. Emphasis on grades and test scores mounts. Perfectionism often develops. Your child must know that your love is unconditional and not contingent on those end products. Cheating can become the child’s means to achieve if she feels that a task is too difficult.

Middle Schoolers The urge to fit in and be accepted is paramount. Tweens may quit to avoid peer humiliation from striking out at bat, failing on the spelling bee or clamming up on the speech. Stress over schoolwork, grades and test scores mounts and can become overwhelming and debilitating. This is the age that kids are most likely to quit teams because sports are too competitive or are no longer considered enjoyable. Listen to your child so you can help figure out what course of action to take and how you can help.

Reprinted by permission of the publisher, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., from The Big Book of Parenting Solutions, by Michele Borba. Copyright © 2009 by Michele Borba.