There are parents who can get their children to do things with calm reason. They don’t yell or beg or threaten. You should explain to your child, they say, in unemotional language, why doing something is important. “You must brush your teeth to keep them clean so that you don’t get cavities” is one example.

But who has time for mature rhetoric when your kids lose interest in such valuable lessons at the third word? Or when the bus is coming in three minutes? or you’re going to be late for work—again?

Me. I don’t beg, yell or threaten. I bribe. Unlike a threat, it’s so easy to say, “Put on your shoes and I’ll bring you a Baggie of Cheerios in the car.” It’s not so easy to bark, If you don’t put your shoes on, there are no treats after school.”

I do have research on my side. Studies show that when good behavior is reinforced, kids stick to the behavior longer than when bad actions are punished. Positive reinforcement. Yeah, that’s what I’m doing.

It’s not like my bribes are actually treats or perks. My tactic is to withhold the regular things my children are entitled to and act as though they need to be earned. Which means that both Eddie, 8, and Jane, 6, have a carrot dangling, just beyond reach, every morning.

The premise is this: You can’t do Y unless you do X. So I’ll say, “if you get out of bed and get dressed”—you might as well throw in the dressing part—“then we can have breakfast.” There’s no breakfast in pj’s. Allowing sleepwear at the breakfast table is a rookie move. What helps here is an alluring variety of cereal.

After breakfast, my mind is a scrolling checklist. Let’s see…they have 37 minutes to load their backpacks, brush teeth, put on shoes, tame the bed head and get  into the car. You’d think 37 minutes would be plenty of time. You’d be surprised.

The distractions Jane and Eddie encounter are endless. There’s the origami paper on Eddie’s dresser that calls out to him or the temptation to engage in a high-level argument with Jane. “No it’s not! Mom, is it Wednesday? Jane says it’s Thursday. Told ya!” Sigh.

For Jane, it’s a glance at her jump ropes hanging in the hall that reminds her she needs to have us all join in a game of double Dutch, in the living room (problematic on so many levels).

To keep the action moving, no playing until shoes are on and teeth are brushed, and no gummybear vitamins until they’re in the car. sometimes they’ll complain, when we’re about to leave, that they’re still hungry. this is where the Baggies of Cheerios come in.

I wonder if someday I won’t hold my kids hostage all morning. Will there come a time that they’ll say, “Mom! Hurry up! we’re going to be late”? Maybe then, when I get in the car, they’ll have a Baggie of Cheerios waiting for me.