Your film Higher Ground, which you both directed and star in certainly seems to be a family affair.
In the last two and a half years, I’ve given birth to two children, done five films, directed one, done an Oscar campaign [for Up in the Air] and done countless press campaigns. It was a huge itinerary that I managed with a tremendous family support system. For Higher Ground, my husband [Renn Hawkey] was creative producer and musical director. And to be honest with you, I cast my 17-year-old sister, Taissa, as my younger self because I was pregnant, I knew [2 1/2-year-old son] Fynn would be on set with me, and Taissa already had a tenderness and affection for him. My mother and Renn’s mother also help out. 

You were pregnant with a toddler in tow while managing this very heavy workload. What was life like for you on the set?
My three trimesters matched the three trimesters on Higher Ground: preproduction, shooting and postproduction. I’ll probably never do it again! Or maybe I might, because I have to say I’m invincible during my second trimester of pregnancy—I have a surplus of energy and power I only experience at that time. But the first trimester is pretty miserable. Morning sickness is an all-day and all-night affair. 

What was it about Higher Ground that spoke to you—why were you so invested in it?
I love this character. And I was drawn to the story on many different levels. It’s a story about reaching for your highest nature, not just your highest spiritual self. This woman is yearning to be the best daughter, sister, wife, friend that she could be. It’s not just a film about religion and faith, but also a story about a woman and her battle for her most balanced, integrated soul and trying to come from her most authentic self. In my own struggle with organized religion and wanting qualities of the spiritual and wanting mastery over myself, there have been a lot of questions. I’ve had to learn how to embrace those questions knowing the answers might not always be there—to love the questions and not be afraid of them. This is a story about embracing the questions.

How did you come to direct the film after originally being hired to just act in it?
I was attached to it as an actress for three years and was involved with the script development. We used Carolyn Briggs’s memoir, This Dark World, as a springboard and forged a narrative from there. My own sense of humor, struggles, trials and tribulations entered into the story, so I just wanted to defend it. After the Oscars, we got financing with me at the helm.

Of all your film roles, which have you most identified with and why?
I feel that roles choose me. Most every role I’ve done is equal measures me and the complete opposite of me. I learn from every role—and that’s the initial draw—most often frankness and candor. I admire the character Oana, whom I played in the Anthony Minghella film Breaking and Entering [with Jude Law]. She’s a world-weary prostitute with an innocence. I try to have a sense of perpetual innocence in myself. I admire those who have a sense of humor and candor and who say what they think, but with tact. That’s what I admire in this character, and in women overall.

How much time do you have with Gytta, who was born last November?
We’re glued together. We’re still breastfeeding, though I see the breast milk diminishing with every press junket—Gytta’s a voracious and insatiable movie monster! I’m not sleeping at all. She wakes up at least five or six times a night. But there has been some time away from her. Since Higher Ground, I shot a film called Goats, playing a bohemian hippie mother. It’s hard to take a break because the films I do, that I’m most inspired by, are independent films, which aren’t the most financially lucrative jobs. So I feel like I have to work more.

Do you ever have pangs of mommy guilt?
They’re always there. Guilt stems from failure to live in accordance with my potential. I feel guiltiest when I know I’m not present. If I have to live with it, I might as well accept it as a good thing … flash bulletins of encouragement, inspiring me to live life with even more compassion, patience, fullness, tenderness and presence. 

What do you do with the kids in downtime?
There’s no iPad app that’s better than a pile of stones, mud, twigs, grass. Getting dirty in nature with Fynn is the best time spent with him. That’s when he’s happiest. I’m a gardener and weeding is my therapy, so Gytta will also have her hands in the mud sooner or later. We travel a lot, and the kids are always with me—Fynn just took his fifty-sixth flight, and he’s in great standing with American Airlines!—but we just got back to our little country home in upstate New York. Living in the country gives perspective to everything else. Where I live I don’t have to put on makeup to go out for coffee.

Do you and Renn have any time for fun together?
The honest answer is we hardly ever get alone time. But we know it’s a temporary situation and we’re okay with that. And we have a sense of humor about it. And that’s what’s most important. I adore him—and we respect each other and try to communicate that respect, adoration and tenderness on a daily basis. His finest attribute, though, is his sense of humor. I’ve learned from him that laughter can be the biggest booster of our partnership. He nurtures me with goofy jokes, and we try to laugh through the hard times. When you have kids this close in age but that have very different needs, we know there’s going to be very little alone time, but we accept that. I’m learning that embracing the imbalance is the thing. Moments of not knowing and stumbling help you find your own footing.

Will you keep traveling with your family as long as you can?
Yes, that’s the plan, until Fynn enters the school years. My family is my entourage. Renn is a hands-on father, and he’s also a very talented producer. I loved directing Higher Ground with him producing, and we’ll continue this partnership. He’s the only man who can actually rein me in when I need it, but he also has my best interests in mind. We adore each other. He’s my greatest cheerleader, my morale booster, my pep talker, the multivitamin of my life. 

What’s next for Vera:
She’ll star with Anthony LaPaglia and Mia Wasikowska in a film adaptation of Arthur Miller’s play A View From the Bridge.

Vera’s pregnant @ work tips

Cry when you need to. It’s mandatory. Suppressing your emotions, especially during pregnancy, is the worst thing you can do for body and mind and soul.

Find purpose in your work. I know I’m really lucky that my job is not just a paycheck, it’s a calling. How you think and feel about your work will color why and how you do it. So try to find the best mindset within the work you do.

Focus on one thing at a time. I’m utterly exhausted from multitasking constantly, though I’m really good at it. So I just try to focus on one thing and reap the rewards from that.

Keep walking. When I’m not pregnant, I can run six miles a day. When pregnant, all I can manage is walking. Every day I walk to an apple tree and back. It’s a simple thing.