Today finally realized a months long dream of mine. I've bought the website: FatUglyOldAuPairs.com

Giggle if you must, but ladies, I have a vision. A vision we can all share and rejoice in. Today I have taken the first step to educate today's sitters as to proper etiquette, attire, and demeanor when watching our children.

I cannot take sole credit for this miraculous new website. As with most strokes of genius it started with tragedy that was turned into something beautiful through the wit and wisdom of brilliant women - and a few glasses of wine.

So Gloria Steinem is totally taking me off her Christmas Card list this year for this post but I just can't help it.Okay look at this picture of General Petraeus, his wife Holly and their "friends" the Kelleys and what is the first thought that pops into your head? For me it was high school. This picture is a grown up version of the high school party where the two head cheerleaders are tolerating having their picture taken with a member of the chess club because she is the sister of the captain of the football team.

What is the issue exactly? Because according to my husband, I have lots of issues!

My issue is that I like to get things done…effectively and efficiently. It doesn’t sound so bad in theory, but in reality, can become an issue.

With relocation to a new city and a new job comes a mountain of logistics. I haven’t felt overwhelmed because it’s a matter of completing a task and taking it off the list.

Secure housing. Check.

Register Lexi for school. Check.

Open a new bank account. Check.

Prepare ourselves for another temporary relocation during the next month. Check.

As a mother of two boys I haven't really paid much attention to any toys that don't come with their own sword, the capacity to shoot (water, Nerf arrows, small plastic discs capable of removing retinas, etc.), or Pokemon cards (Dear God, these have been around since the last millennium, when will children finally grow bored with them?).

Before embarking on a mini-reading-research project, I brought my narrative-loving two year old to high school for two twenty minute visits.  I ultimately want create something unique, but of value to other educators and parents.

There is a strange phenomenon I’ve grown accustomed to while living in Arizona. Like clock-work, if I don’t clean the toilets every ten days a strange orange mold like film starts to coat the inner bowl. When I lived back East I wasn’t aware this orange film was even an option. I am pretty sure I never saw it and Lord knows I wasn’t more meticulous in my twenties than I am now. It’s probably due to cancer causing water treatment the state of Arizona uses to make our desert water drinkable.

I've come to the conclusion there is not enough caffeine in the Greater Phoenix area to keep me going this weekend.

For those of you who follow me on Facebook, you know that I occasionally throw out a "Dear Future Husband" post, in which I publicly identify obligations anyone who intends to put a  modest ring on it will have to fulfill. Past posts have included such heavy burdens as: opening lids on jars, folding laundry, removing that nasty bag of stuff from chickens, and keeping the kids occupied for one hour each Saturday while Mama takes a nap.

Here's the truth: I don't know if I ever want to get married again for a lot of pretty serious reasons. For example:

Lately, my 7 year old has started to ask a lot of questions, in different ways, about whether or not I work. Last week she asked, "Mom, do you go to work or are you an at home Mom?" My response? " I work sometimes." I couldn't do it. I couldn't say what I knew I should have said: "I used to work but I'm not working right now." Yesterday she asked me to go on her class field trip to the pumpkin patch. "You can, you're a House Mom." Two words - House Mom - hit me like a ton of bricks, made all the more weighty by my daughter's awareness of, and insistence on, defining my work status.