Working Mother's experts answer your work life questions.

Q. I was laid off last month for the first time in my career. How can I hide how desperate I feel during job interviews? 

Mary Lynne: Feeling desperate is a natural reaction in today’s economic environment. Most people interviewing for jobs feel the same way. But if you put too much attention on trying to hide your feelings, you’ll lose the focus you need for your interview. 

Try this: Take time during the day to allow yourself to feel desperate. Accept the feeling. The more you resist a feeling, the stronger it gets. Sit with the feeling of desperation and say to yourself, “I feel desperate.” As you feel it, notice how it manifests itself in your body—a tightening in your abdomen, chest, neck, shoulders, throat or head. 

Or perhaps you feel a heaviness in your body. As we accept a feeling as part of our life here and now, it often loses its charge. When it comes time for an interview, you may feel a little nervous, so shift your focus to the present moment and show them your stuff!

Pamela: Under less stressful circumstances, you might be thinking about next steps—the next phone call you need to make, the friend who offered to pass along your resumé. But when we’re under the squeeze of losing a job, we can lose our connection to our options and get stuck. Connect to the fact that you have a future: “In three months or six months, I will be somewhere. Where will it be?” Try to answer that question more broadly than by just focusing on having a new job. “What will my relationship with my children be? What will I have learned?” Stay connected to the future and ask yourself what else you see there.

You may be able to begin to fill in some details about your new job: “I’d like to move out of sales.” The more focused we become on what we want to have happen versus what we don’t, the more easily we can begin to move toward it.

Q. I just turned 40 and I’m afraid my age will make it more difficult for me to find a job in the recession. I like to think I look youthful, but how can I compete with women almost half my age?

Mary Lynne: Your question contains a limiting belief that’s working against you. Beliefs are powerful because they influence what we see as possible or not possible and affect our behavior.

How does that belief make you feel? Vulnerable, anxious? Starting your job search with that belief puts you at a major disadvantage. We think beliefs reflect reality when in fact they often help shape reality. If you start a job search believing you can’t compete, are you going into the interview feeling on top of your game? Of course not, and as a result, you underperform. You’re now creating the reality that you can’t compete. You go into the next job interview with even less confidence. How does that belief influence the way you show up?

Why not take on some beliefs that will work for you, such as: “I bring a great deal of experience to the table. I am valuable and hardworking. By researching the companies I’m interviewing with, I’ll be prepared and confident about what I can contribute. I have a great deal to offer.” How would you feel going into interviews with those beliefs? Get your beliefs working for you instead of against you.

Pamela: Often what limits us the most isn’t how others see us but how we see ourselves. Our age is a critical element of that self-image. Sometimes it gets magnified and blown out of proportion, but the reality is that how we see ourselves has many parts, like a puzzle. Ask yourself: “What pieces make up the puzzle? How big is one piece compared to the others? Am I hyperfocused on a single piece of the puzzle?” The picture of ourselves includes our determination, our intellect, our effectiveness, our diplomacy, our sense of humor, our courage and so much more. How often do we see all that we are?

Sometimes our age will be a determining factor, but most of the time it won’t. When we see it as an overwhelmingly negative factor, however, we aren’t bringing all of the other puzzle pieces to the table. So ask yourself, “What else is part of the picture?”

Q. Seeing coworkers fired makes it very difficult for me to concentrate at work. How can I stay focused so I don’t wind up losing my job?

Mary Lynne: The way you begin to control your wandering mind is to become aware of it. Shift your attention back to the present. If you’re in a meeting and catch yourself thinking about something other than the discussion taking place, consciously bring your attention back to the meeting. Work to develop the muscle of being present to the moment you’re in—that’s how you become more effective, not only as an employee but as a mother, wife or friend. Say to yourself, “Be here now,” and pull yourself back to the present.

Pamela: Remember the expression “The best defense is a good offense.” What’s the best defense against the unknown? Commit to being at your best at what you know, right here, right now. The greater the external pressure, the more you need this strategy to help ground yourself in the present with laserlike focus. Even pinpoint your focus to specific tasks: “How can I do my best in this conversation with my boss, with this decision?” Be proactive about taking the best actions now. Do that consistently and you’ll see that instead of being the victim of the circumstance, you just may become more bulletproof. 

Q. I used to love workIng. now I dread it. I know I should be happy that I have a job, but I have very little career satisfaction. How can I get recharged?

Mary Lynne: What you think about expands. So write down the parts of your job that you’re dissatisfied with. Your list may contain: the morning hassle, relationship with a coworker, rushed evenings with your children and so on.

As you think about your job dissatisfaction, pay attention to how that makes you feel. Write your feelings down. Your list might contain: tense, dissatisfied, frustrated, discouraged, trapped, powerless, tired. Notice how draining these feelings are. You frequently walk in the door at work carrying these feelings with you. Then you find yourself struggling through the day with the burden of negativity. When you feel negative, your performance suffers.

Now write down what you like about your job. Your list may contain: a sense of connection with other professionals, mental stimulation, pride in being a provider. Immerse yourself in what you really like about this part of your life. As you engage in this exercise, notice what’s happening to the way you feel. Most people start to feel more relaxed, satisfied, grounded and empowered. As you focus on the part of the job you appreciate, positive feelings begin to energize you. Notice how your feelings change with your focus. 

To empower yourself, start by focusing on what’s good about your job. Then expand upon what’s working for you as opposed to getting mired in what’s not working. Ask yourself, “Given the current environment, what can I do to be happy here?” Perhaps improving a relationship with a coworker or with your boss will do it, or positioning yourself for a challenging project and enjoying the work. Come into work each day with the intention of doing your best and experience the sense of pride that emerges. 

Pamela: When we focus on the experience we want to generate for ourselves, we can look past the circumstances we’re in at the moment and may find happiness where we are. In fact, we want to develop our capacity for happiness— no matter the circumstances. The truth is that feeling unhappy may not be because of our job. It may be that we’re using our job as an excuse for our unhappiness. 

Ask yourself: “When was the last time I felt happy or satisfied at my core, despite my job or current circumstances?” Give yourself some time, and if you decide to move on or change your circumstances, be sure you’re not making the decision from a place of negativity or unhappiness.

Mary Lynne Heldmann (left), a high-level executive coach, is a senior consultant at the Mark Cunningham Group. An author and lecturer, she currently facilitates the trademarked Achieve Programs.

Pamela Jennings (right) is a performance coach. She serves as the director of development at the Mark Cunningham Group. She lives with her daughter, Kelah, in Greenwich, CT.