Cate Colburn-Smith had a life others would envy. The 40-year-old marketing executive was rising to the top of the male-dominated tech industry, working four days a week, so she could spend more time with her two healthy baby girls, and handling multimillion-dollar deals with ease. But for all her success, Cate had a secret. She wasn't happy.

"I was constantly writing my resignation letter but stuffing it in a drawer instead of turning it in," says the mom of two, who has been with the same company for 17 years. "I am good at what I do, so it was easier to stay than to do anything about what I really wanted for myself." What Cate really wanted was to write a book. "It was a dream," she says. But she didn't know how to turn her wishful thinking into reality. Her resignation letters aside, she hadn't written much of anything recently.

Then two years ago, after her second daughter was born, she found herself crying at the office—well, in the broom closet at the office. She was crouched in the tiny room pumping breast milk for her newborn when the tears started. She cried the next day, too. And the next. Finally it became clear that doing something instead of nothing was the only shot she had at happiness. Ninety days later, Cate, the corporate manager, had herself a book deal, thanks to something called a life plan—a detailed blueprint of how to build the life you want. The plan helped Cate move from dreaming to doing. "I had all the skills I needed to move in a new direction," she says. "I just didn't know it."

Like Cate, more and more moms are finding value in taking a long-range view of what they really want for themselves. By factoring in career goals, kids, financial needs, health and personal passions to get a 360-degree view, they're finding a way to embrace their dreams and successfully direct their lives rather than blindly race through them. "If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail," says executive coach Paula Jaye of the New York-area Practice Consulting Institute. Whether you're an aspiring author, a would-be entrepreneur or a working mom desperate for more balance, a life plan can help you plot the steps you need to construct the new you. To get started, some, like Cate, work with a professional coach. Others find what they need at workshops.

To help you write your life plan, we took inspiration from coaches, books and Working Mother town hall meetings. Here's a five-step strategy to help you get the life you truly desire.  

1: Tell yourself you CAN do it. We all have that little voice in our head telling us that our ideal lives are ridiculous or out of reach, says Laura Berman Fortgang, a best-selling author and the coach who worked with Cate. "Most of the time the things we tell ourselves that we can't do are really stuff we just make up," says Fortgang. No time. No money. No know-how. And what about the kids? Most of us can come up with a laundry list of excuses, because change is scary. By definition it disrupts, affecting not just ourselves but also the circle of those close to us, says coach Jennifer Corbin, founder of The Balance Studio (www.the balancestudio.com). You need to decide that you're going to ignore naysayers when you're in the construction phase of your life plan.

To get past your excuses and fears, life coaches suggest, ask yourself this simple question: If it were impossible to fail, what would I be doing? When Sharon Geraghty answered that question, the accountant realized she wanted to own her own fabric store and teach sewing. Everyone told her that with two toddlers at home, she wouldn't have the time to start a business, never mind put in the long hours it would take to ensure its success. By writing a life plan, she was able to see that no laws dictate that a new business owner can't work a flex schedule. So she kept her shop open to customers for half the day, when her children were in school. In the afternoons she'd pick up her kids, then go home and do the paperwork. Defying skeptics, Sharon's business thrived for almost a decade.

2:  Figure out what you really want. This is not an easy step. Three years from now? We're worried about where we're going to be three minutes from now. Take the time to soul-search, and be aware that there's usually a difference between what we want and what we think we should want, says Fortgang. You don't want to spin your wheels working toward career or personal goals that other people or society as a whole says you should want. Fortgang calls this "shoulding" on yourself, and it can be the biggest hurdle to real happiness. So step two requires a reality check. Strip away all the denial, be honest with yourself, and think about what it is you really want—across various aspects of your life. Although a rut is easiest to blame on work, on-the-job frustration is often a signal that other aspects of life are not in alignment, life coaches say. Such raw self-evaluation will give you permission to work toward your own desires regardless of others' expectations. This can be especially difficult for working moms, because we usually place self-care at the bottom of our priority list. "We don't take care of ourselves. We take care of others," adds Fortgang, who is the mother of a 9-year-old and 5-year-old twins.

To crystallize your real desires, you have to identify your core values, coaches say. Values are personal and can be anything from a need to be a leader to a wish for greater creative expression or even a simpler day-to-day life. To ID your values, think of a time when you were inspired or excited, says coach Christina Barr of Square One Solutions in Chicago. Write down the details of the story and ask yourself what made you excited. What was important to you about the situation? Notice the values expressed by both the outcome you wanted and the process you took to get there. During what activities do you feel the greatest sense of happiness and fulfillment? What gives you the most satisfaction? What are you most passionate about? Review the discoveries revealed by your answers. List all the values that these situations suggest are important, such as short tasks versus long deadlines and flexibility. Put the list away. After several days, narrow it down to a just a few. The goals on your life plan should support or coincide with these values. When Tracy Levine, a marketing exec at a major bank in New York City and mother of two, wrote her life plan, she thought that after 17 years with the company, she needed a new career. But when she identified her values, she realized that what she really wanted was more time with her kids and to be a leader. Her job wasn't satisfying either value—but her life plan helped her see that she didn't need to quit, she needed to reprioritize. The flexible schedule that came with her position already gave her more time with her kids than a new job probably would. So she decided to use her time better. Now she makes it a point to leave the office by 5:15 p.m. sharp, making her family life a priority. To satisfy her desire for a leadership role, she beefed up her volunteer efforts outside the office and in a parenting group at work. Two years after first developing her life plan, Tracy is still in the same job but feels so much has changed. "A life plan gave me structure," says Tracy. "I didn't make as big a change as I first envisioned. But sometimes not making a drastic change is okay."  

3: Visualize your new and improved life. Imagine the life that you want. Picture yourself as that independent businesswoman, organic gardener or time-for-brownie-baking mom. You should be able to see the precise details as if you were looking at a painting, says Barr. Exactly what would your day be like? What time would you wake up? Who would you interact with? How long would your day be? What would you spend most of your time doing? Seeing these specifics will help move your vision from dream to reality. If Mary Sutherby had taken the time to focus on the details, she would have realized she didn't really like the picture she was drawing. Mary sold securities and walked away from that fast-paced career when she became a mother. But the stay-at-home life didn't agree with her, either. Assuming that Wall Street and motherhood couldn't mix, she decided to use her journalism degree and turn to writing. However, Mary soon discovered that although a writer's life gave her flexibility, it was also isolating. She found sitting at her computer all day tedious and yearned for the results-driven world of her finance life. If she had truly visualized daily life as a writer, she would have recognized that watercooler chatter mattered and that writing's solitude wasn't for her. With a life plan in hand, Mary realized she liked the independence of selling securities but didn't like the late-night meetings and heavy travel. So she's returning to her old industry, but to a position that is project driven, allowing her to work independently, with limited travel and deadlines, to suit her family's schedule.

4: Map the next three months to three years. There is power in putting your vision on paper and then attaching it to a specific timeline. Realize that the structure and timeline of a plan will depend on the individual who writes it. Cate and her coach agreed she'd have 90 days to get a book deal—that long only because Cate wasn't giving up her day job to pursue her writing dream. She signed up for a book-publishing night class and set deadlines for everything, including writing a 40-page proposal, then sending out queries to 61 literary agents and picking one. She hired a babysitter every Thursday so she could work on her book and also designated time for it at night after her kids went to sleep. Once your life plan is written, post it where you'll see it every day—by your mirror, on your desk, in the bathroom, on your refrigerator. If a plan sits on a shelf, it rarely becomes realized. Review your plan at least once a month and work on it every two weeks. Also share your plan with other people. It will help you create a support system. Enlist a partner, a friend, a spouse or a coach to ensure you are meeting your ongoing goals. Cate had weekly phone check-ins with Fortgang, who kept her to her deadlines. Her book about breastfeeding and working will be published this spring.

5: Get the tools you need. After all this honest reflection, you should be more self-aware then ever before. Now it's time to take what you've learned and turn it into action. You've plotted your deadlines—what steps do you need to take to meet them? Before Linda Layton created a life plan, she had a lot on her plate. She was going back to school, changing careers and even considering starting her own business. She's also a mom of four. Like many of us, she felt her biggest hurdle was time, or the lack thereof. Sketching a life plan helped her identify the tools she needed to make things work. First, she had to take better advantage of her support system—husband, caregiver and family—by being specific about her needs. She also asked her kids to pitch in more, giving everyone chores, even the youngest. Because Mom was so clear about what she wanted ("Please put your toys away after each time you use them," instead of "Please keep your room clean"), her needs were better met. Instead of being vague about spending "more time" with her kids, she started scheduling monthly "dates" with each of them. She'd find a day to go skiing with her son. With one daughter, she set up hair-and-nail pampering sessions. The designated time allowed each of her kids to be the sole focus, a rarity in a large family. Next on Linda's must-have-to-succeed list was encouragement. She's the type of person who needs to hear that she is doing a good job. So she created her own corner of encouragement, where she posts notes with phrases like "Hope is not a plan" and "Dream + Action + Intention = Reality." Whenever she gets a thank-you note from a client, she adds it to the display. The corner acts as her private cheering section.

Attendees at the Working Mother Balance Seekers Town Hall also learned the importance of celebrating little successes along the way, rather than waiting until your final goal is realized. This makes your plan feel more manageable and helps keep you motivated. Hit your first deadline? Enjoy a bubble bath to celebrate. Life plans, like life, aren't static. Your plan requires ongoing revision because what's important to you early in your career may not be as important in the middle of it. Likewise, priorities as a mother change as your children grow. Even the much sought-after goal of balance is not static but constantly shifting. Don't be afraid to reexamine your goals and adjust your plan accordingly. Fulfilling your vision will take work. If you stumble, fix the problem and move on. Focus on the successes, not the failures. "Success," says Fortgang, "breeds success." Now start planning.

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