Squeals of delight interspersed with the sounds of vinyl and plastic cracking came from my living room as I was cooking dinner. To my horror, I saw my 1 and 3 year old taking turns throwing themselves on the $100 activity tent I bought for the littler one weeks ago. I rarely yell at my kids but today, I screamed.

That toy was bought with my salary that I'd been working for so that they could have the best, most cutting edge toys. The same salary that goes to purchasing the best ballet classes, the best swimming lessons, the tissue boxes with the designs on them to bring on the first day of school, the "special treats" like ice cream and chocolates that are not necessities, the option to "have both pairs of shoes" rather than just choosing 1.

In exchange for the money that I earn to make these 'cherry on top" purchases, I spend time at my desk rather than playing with my angels. I lose sleep, get stressed, negotiate all sorts of personalities.

What I buy and how it is used has never correlated before. I’ve always found my job so rewarding that the money is a distant effect of the fun I have working. I'll spend because I have it but I have no problem working more because I love it. If harder work should produce more cash, so be it!

In the past few months, I've been faced with the opportunity to do some careful thinking about my career and position. Having become less motivated, every cent is equal to seconds of time that I'm robbing from my little angels... the same angels diving on the $100 birthday present, hacking it to bits.

I spent that kind of money on the birthday present because I figured "poor 1-year-old... he has not had any really new toys this whole year. He deserves something special." But kids are kids. They use things in tune with their mind's eye--which often contradicts its actual purpose. Now that I'm on sabbatical, earning a few pennies on the dollar, I realize that all of these things that I've taken for granted are a bonus. My kids aren't poor--they NEED nothing.

Could the extra income that I always thought "brought us over the edge" actually be spoiling my children? Could my carefree attitude about spending when the going was good "because I love what I do to make more of it" be transmitted negatively to my kids?

Tears welling up in my eyes about how the time and money investment had gone unappreciated, I explained to my kids "Mommy bought this toy especially for Jonathan's birthday, so that he can have something wonderful and special. We must treat all of our things with respect because someone works hard to give them to us."

My 3-year-old looked at me blankly. Could she possibly understand this advanced concept? "Sorry mommy," she said... "for hitting!" Oooooooh boy!