We've all had bad break ups.  The crying, the eating of ice cream, the refusal to eat because you're sick to your stomach, the guilt, the "What's wrong with me?" stage, the grief, and finally the slow crawl towards healing which can be derailed at any moment by a chance encounter with your ex and their new girlfriend. And ladies, I am not talking about some break up with a love interest. Because that kind of pain pales in comparison to when your girlfriend - the one who has probably nursed you through all the other romantic breakups - breaks your heart and kicks you to the curb.

I had it happen to me just last week and I'm still reeling from the impact. I had reached out to a friend of seventeen years who I hadn't seen in a while to invite her to dinner so we could catch up. The response to my offer was a terse text back (I feel your pain Taylor Swift) saying that - and I'm quoting here: "Appreciated but I don't really think we need to." Quickly followed up with the text to clarify my ex-friend's position which was "I'm saying we don't have a relationship and I don't really feel the need to pretend we do."

Those of you who speak girl will realize that though I could have responded a few ways but the best girl's response would have been something like "I am so sorry you feel that way, I never meant to make you feel unimportant, please tell me what I can do to make it up to you." Or if I were in a fighting mood I might go with a response along the lines of "The phone works two ways." And if I were a twenty-something with the luxury of time that's exactly what I would have done - fought to keep the relationship- not Jodi Arias type fighting - but at least something that wouldn't have put me on Court TV 18 hours a day.

But as a full-time working mom with two kids, in two sports, and a husband who also works full-time I am just, you know, too tired to do either. For reals. Which stinks Because as a working mom with a plate full of craziness I need my girlfriends more than ever before. My friends are my lifeline. They are the ones who know me inside and out and love me warts and all.

When women are friends we tend to go deep. We become each others support system. We remind each other that we are not crazy and we can handle whatever life throws at us. We tell each other everything. We spend hours dissecting our fears, and hopes and dreams. We become familiar with the intricate workings of each others lives. In short we totally get into each others business. So when a friend says "no thank you" to us it feels like they are rejecting the core of who we are. And that hurts. Like the kind of hurt only dulled by snuggle time with our kids or a Marker's Mark Manhattan.

But as my friend Loud Erin has told me again and again, people come into and go out of our lives for all sorts of reasons and its OKAY (so stop your whining - she really hates it when I whine). Loud Erin was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was eight months pregnant with her first child. Since she simultaneously faced the two biggest challenges in life - first time motherhood and her own mortality - you better believe I listen to her. That bitch knows what she is talking about. So I'm going to lick my wounds and try to put my loss in perspective. But first I'm thinking a day of Haagen-Dazs and Kim and Chloe Take Miami marathon may be in order.

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