When I tell people that I have three children under the age of eight I always get the same reaction.  Their eyes widen and they say things like “I don’t know how you do it” or “wow, you have your hands full.”  The truth is, I always wanted three kids and never thought much about it because parenting is hard no matter how you cut it.

That said, three small children so close in age is often exhausting and sometimes unmanageable.  In the store when the 22 month old is running away, the seven year old is complaining and the 5 year old is taking candy off the shelves and throwing it in the cart as well as his pockets.  Or, in a restaurant when NOBODY will sit still resulting in spilled milk, wrong orders and often tears (not just mine).  In the middle of the night when one child wakes up from a nightmare which triggers the domino effect and I am suddenly up with three kids at 2 a.m.

My life is pure chaos and very often people look at me and compliment me for how well I am handling it as if I have a choice.  I mean, I can’t beat them or give them back.  No matter where I am or who I am with, people ALWAYS say to me “don’t worry, it gets easier.”

Does it?  Right now, my kids are babies.  I am on autopilot and spend a great deal of time treading water it seems.  Yet, I would much rather deal with these things I can moderately control like tantrums, diapers and skinned knees than what is to come.  With little ones, they are still MINE.  I can keep them from danger.  I can fix their problems with a band aid, a kiss or a lollipop (for major crisis situations).

Someday real soon, I will have to let go and let them make their own choices and that scares the hell out of me.  Broken hearts, getting cut from the baseball team, insecurities, girl cattiness, driving. It is all terrifying.  Parenting is going to become different but I do not for one second believe it is going to become easier.

I started thinking about this the other day during a conversation with my father.  As I talked – ok cried -- to him about some things happening in my life, he worked very hard to provide the appropriate advice and support.  However, the entire time I could see the worry and pain in his face and felt bad for venting to him because while I know I am going to be ok, he will likely worry for the next two months. I am a 37 year old mother of three and my parents are as concerned and protective as they were when I was two.  The only difference is that now a band aid or a lollipop can't fix my problems (I will say though that wine and money can usually do the trick and they have realized this).

Once you are a parent, your heart will live outside your body forever.  When they hurt, we hurt.  When they face challenges, we want to fix things. We know in our hearts that our job is to teach our children the coping skills to make their own choices and deal with life’s twists and turns and we do our best to do just that.  My kids are still young but I can’t imagine this is ever easy.

Yeah, I am frazzled and sleep deprived and running on empty right now.  That said, I both look forward to and fear the teen years, the college years and even adulthood.  And, while it will be easier (and a welcome change) when I am not “wiping” people or struggling with bedtime routines, I know someday I will look back on these times and miss them.  They will be the good ‘ole days that went by too quickly.

So, as I celebrate another Mother’s Day with my family, I truly live in this moment because it is so finite. Each stage of parenting brings its own milestones, excitement, challenges and memories and the important thing is that we do our best and savor every one.

Xoxo