Guilt is a wasted emotion.

This is the single best piece of parenting advice I ever received.  It came to me about a year ago from a colleague who had just come back to work after having twins.  We were working on a project that was taking us both away from home frequently and I was -- as usual -- wretched with guilt over leaving my kids.  My colleague reminded me that "Mom Guilt" doesn't help anything.  It is a waste of energy and emotion.

I am friends with moms of all walks of life.  Sadly, the one common thread we all share (other than the fact that we all have children) is the guilt.  The working mom feels guilty that she sends her kids to daycare.  The stay-at-home mom feels guilty that she is not down on the floor playing games or building castles with the kids all day long.  The mom with one child feels guilty that her child may be lonely.  The mom of four feels guilty that she is spread so thin.  I won't even get started on the single mom guilt.

The reality is that Mom Guilt is a growing epidemic.  I conducted a search of news coverage with the term"Mom Guilt" in it and found 9,500 news articles. Clearly this is a topic people are exploring.

Why do moms feel guilty?  I am no expert but I think the answer is two fold:

1. Good News, It Comes From A Good Place: The love we feel for our children is stronger than anything we've ever felt and we let this emotion drive us to strive for perfection. What we don't realize is that our children don't care or even notice if we are perfect but they care and notice if we are happy. Most of what we consider to be "bad mom" behaviour would go unnoticed if we didn't let the guilt drag us down.

 I had a "bad mom" moment a couple weeks ago that could have caused me to spiral in to "Mom Guilt" shame for weeks. I somehow got the time wrong for Nathaniel's pre-school graduation.  We showed up 20-minutes late for the 30-minute ceremony.  We missed the songs and most of the awards and I quickly shuffled my little cutie to the "stage" in time for his diploma. I ignored the pit in my stomach and put on a smile. I took pictures, congratulated him, hugged him and took him for ice cream.  I moved on and didn't let the guilt ruin our day.  I don't think he knows how late we were or maybe he doesn't care because we ended up having a great day. Had I apologized, cried and talked about what a "bad mom" I was all week, there would be a different ending to this story.

2. Bad News, We Are Set Up To Fail:  We have multiple "experts" in our ear telling us how things "should be" and setting expectations we will never live up to.  We feel guilty letting our kids watch TV or eat McDonalds.  We feel like bad mothers if we don't breastfeed or if our baby is in the bed with us.  If we let the kids out to play without sunscreen we might as well call child protective on ourselves.

I recently read about a study that showed children of working mothers have a higher obesity rate as they get older.  The story discussed the fact that working moms tend to order in meals more often due to lack of time.  It discussed the fact that many kids don't get to be outside engaging in sports after school because they are at daycare.  What the coverage did not provide was any sort of constructive advice on how this can be avoided.  I mean, most working mothers are working because they have to so quitting their job is not an option. But the story was all problem and no solution.  Just another way to make a mom feel guilty about how she is raising her children instead of offering guidance and support.

I would be lying if I said I have freed myself of mom guilt completely.  However, I have gotten a better handle on it over the past year.  The purpose of my blog this week is to encourage all the moms out there to cut yourself a break!  You don't need to be perfect.  You just have to do your best:)

Have a great week!