Years ago, I read a fascinating article about the jury selection process.  It said that the DEFENSE team for men accused of rape lobby to get more WOMEN on the jury.  This seemed outrageous to me but the article broke it down like this:

*Men are more sympathetic to rape victims because they think about their wife, sister, mother or daughter and they feel the need to protect them and seek justice for them.

*Women on the other hand, see themselves when they look at the victim.  And, they do not want to admit that something like this could happen to them.  Therefore, women will do everything possible to convince themselves that they would have made different decisions if they had been in the victims shoes which makes it easier for the defense attorney to convince them to in some way blame the victim.

Recently, as the we all watched the news and followed the horrible tragedy in Aurora, Colorado, I thought about this theory and how it translates in to parenting.  I was surprised at how many people were questioning the choices of the victims and their families.  Discussion around "what kind of parent would bring an infant to a movie theater at midnight?" and whether many of the young children in the theater were old enough to be there in the first place.

Why do we need to go there? We do it every time there is a tragedy. I have found myself doing it and have been part of countless conversations through the years where we debated the role the parents had in the situation and what should have been done differently without even really knowing the situation.

Much like the women on the jury who need to believe that this could not happen to them, I think we do this because it is easier to dissect the situation and find a "reason" for it than admit what we all know deep inside. Terrible things happen every day that we can't control.  Even if we do everything right -- which none of us ever will -- tragedy can strike.  Pretending that we actually have control is our defense mechanism.  It is what helps us through times like this as we hear about what was a pointless and unexplainable tragedy.

The saddest part is that if something bad were to happen to your child -- even if you are perfect -- the judgement and blame from others will not ever come close to comparing to the judgement and blame you inflict on yourself.

At the end of the day, we all do what we can to keep our children safe and get through the day.  Do we do everything perfect all the time?  NO WAY!  But we do our best and perhaps situations like this one can help us appreciate and realize how important every moment is - so stop reading this blog and go hug your kiddies!