Once upon a time there was a learning and development princess named Nhung.

Let me stop for a second and explain. I don’t necessarily love fairy tales. There’s just too much about them that bother me, like the fact that all fathers in fairy tales seem to apparently lose their minds and remarry some of the cruelest and wicked women after their wives pass away. And these wives always seem to want to off their stepkids. That just seems strange. Then there’s the whole element of the girls marrying their “Prince Charming” without ever going out on a formal date. There must be some reason why these guys are marrying girls in comas (Sleeping Beauty, Snow White) versus ones that are conscious. So why am I starting the post in a fairy tale format? Well, every day when my five-year-old asks me how my day went, she asks me to frame it as a story that starts with “once upon a time” and finishes with “the end.” She says it makes whatever I’m saying more interesting. I guess you all will be the judge of that.

Once upon a time there was a learning and development princess named Nhung. Princess Nhung enjoyed facilitating workshops for the constituents in her kingdom, but she also enjoyed the process of continuous learning herself and took all opportunities to develop her own skills. One day, Princess Nhung woke up and thought about how much she was looking forward to attending a workshop on negotiating. As she got dressed, she thought about the issues in her work life that could benefit from becoming more proficient in negotiations with individuals she didn’t like working with.

And because Princess Nhung was so deep in thought, she did not notice that she grabbed a bottle of sunscreen instead of body lotion. Princess Nhung did notice that something was wrong as soon as she lathered it on. Princess Nhung was running a little late and did not have time to wash off the sunscreen and hoped that her fellow classmates would not notice that she smelled like coconut. As she left the house, her Prince Charming cheerfully remarked that at least she wouldn’t get a sun burn!

Prince Nhung did enjoy the workshop and learned how to seek a win-win agreement with others by separating people issues from content, seeking shared interests, and identifying the purpose and payoff for the negotiations. Although Princess Nhung teaches win-win thinking in other workshops, it’s always helpful to practice the skill instead of practicing in the middle of tough negotiations.

After the training, Princess Nhung headed across town for a meeting and was exhausted when she got home. Because she was exhausted, she attempted to use the negotiation skills with her five-year-old daughter Lexi to reduce bedtime stories from three to one. But little Lexi knows all about win-win agreements and immediately asked, “How is that a win-win? It sounds like just a win for you.”

Ouch. Yes, the win for me...er…I mean…Princess Nhung was getting out of reading three stories because Princess Nhung was feeling lazy and wanted to get done with story time as quickly as possible. But for little Lexi, the win was having her three stories read by Princess Nhung since she had not seen Princess Nhung all day! Princess Nhung apologized to Lexi for trying to shorten their time together and sincerely read two more stories with different voices and wild hand gestures…just the way little Lexi likes. Then they snuggled, and little Lexi went to bed.

And they lived happily ever after. The end.

The moral of this story? Don’t negotiate with savvy little kids. You’ll lose every time.

When’s the last time you attempted negotiating a deal with your kids? Who won?