I used to think that the combination of passion and intensity for the right thing could only be a good thing, but I was proven wrong…again. Why? Because what I think is right doesn’t make it right. Sounds like a good title for a Dr. Seuss book. Let me say it again because the more times I utter it out loud or in the written form, the more immune I become to it.

What I think is right doesn’t make it right.

Yeah…still hard to accept.  I told you all along that I was on a journey towards learning humility.  All the people I’ve ever known who manifest great humility struggle less when admitting they’re wrong.  But if you’re me, then you struggle mightily and it makes you feel all twisty inside. I was twisted into crazy knots last night and could not sleep.

So the story. I happened to start a discussion on another site about why individuals struggle with integrity when integrity and honesty are identified as key values throughout the world.  It was a lovely discussion with varying viewpoints.  Enter the passion and intensity. I get very passionate and intense around my core beliefs. Not bad…unless someone else’s core values and beliefs are different than mine. You may be thinking, “Nhung, seriously? Isn’t everyone’s core values going to differ from yours?” Just because I think I’m right doesn’t make it right. Say it with me.

I was providing some very concrete examples of what I believed integrity meant and how we make choices every day that compromise our integrity. What I wanted to convey is that if we want to be people of high integrity, we need to live and act in a way that exhibits that integrity.  If we choose not to act in that way-at-work, then we don’t have the right to say we have high integrity. That didn’t go over well with everyone who responded. Particularly, I received comments that indicated that integrity is situational. In theory, everyone wants high integrity, but there are times such as if you’re a single parent with lots of children and speaking up at work and doing the right thing could mean losing your job, then integrity would have to be compromised a bit for the sake of the family’s livelihood.

Passion and intensity at full speed ahead! I respectfully disagreed.  I basically proposed that integrity isn’t situational and I provided an example of when my parents had exhibited integrity, which shaped my beliefs and experiences around how I define it. Integrity can’t be a concept that we choose to invoke only when the stakes are low.

Sigh…I don’t know what gets into me.  I did offend someone, maybe more than one person. It wasn’t my intent at all.  I just get so passionate about an idea and I can’t let it go-to my detriment.  I get so intense that I stop hearing what others are saying and I just seek to win the argument.  That’s not a good or admirable quality.  It can be a good thing. It can be a great thing, but it needs to be tempered and manifested at the right place or time. Projecting all of that on other people through a written format didn’t help build relationships.  It just caused other people to wonder whether I am a person of high integrity.

I’m learning though. I know that I cannot always contain my passion and intensity.  I have an idea of how I’m going to channel that appropriately. More details to come in future posts…

Am I the only one?  Have you ever let your passion and intensity-pure emotion-get the best of you and impact relationships at home or at work?