Friday, March 9, 2012. That is the date I wrote down that Lexi Hurst, age 5, asked us to “tell her about the love and stuff.” Where to even begin! Love is wonderful except when it rips your heart in two. Don’t worry. I didn’t say that or any version of it. My husband and I should have known that the moment was imminent. Earlier in the week, I had received this message from Lexi’s kindergarten teacher, “She kissed a boy. I told her to reserve her kisses for her MAMA!”

Maybe it’s because I never experienced it myself, but I find kindergarten romance to be wildly entertaining. My husband pretends to huff and puff with mutterings about “not dating until she’s 30,” but I know he also thinks kindergarten antics are pretty cute. Probably because he spent the better part of kindergarten chasing little girls and trying to kiss them. When I asked her if she had kissed a boy, her response was, “What? No! Where’d you hear that from?!?” And nervous giggling ensued.

It was official. Not only had she kissed a boy, but she had some feelings for this little man. Isn’t denial the first stage of love? ‘Fess up, Lexi. Tell me about him. “Mommy, you know Riley. I just can’t help crushin’ on him!” Yes, she said the word “crushin’” without the “g.” She had it bad! “He’s just so…just so…Mommy, I love him! And he loves me, too. He wants to marry me! Tell me about the love and stuff.”

What do you say that doesn’t crush the dreams of a five-year-old? Do you tell her there’s a lot of living she needs to do before she finds her soul mate? Do you tell her that because of love, you’ll do things you never would consider, such as riding the Aerosmith roller coaster at Disney World right after two rounds of the Tower of Terror when you have severe motion sickness? Do you mention that two people can love each other and still hurt each other? Do you warn her that love causes you to see the very best qualities in the other person, but that it’s the little habits like his walking through the house with muddy shoes that make you crazy? Do you tell her that through the arguments, job losses, financial worries, silent treatment, anxiety over children and the future that loving a person also means that you get to share the struggles and joys with someone and it causes you to be more forgiving, more understanding, more trusting, and more content? How do I give her the abridged version of all of the love and stuff?

And what came next is why I love my child so much. (In addition to the biological reasons, of course.) I forget that my daughter is reflective in nature and that given a little time, she really can answer her own questions. While I was thinking about the right answer, Lexi continued her narrative about Riley by stating that “the only thing sad about his loving me and marrying me is that Heather loves him, too.” Heather-as in Lexi’s best friend Heather. Enter the drama. “Mommy and Daddy, Heather looks sad when Riley says he wants to marry me.” How do you feel about that, Lexi? “Hmmm…I think I’ll just let Riley marry Heather because then she’ll be happy.” What about you, Lexi? “That’s alright if I don’t marry Riley.” But we thought you were crushin’ on him. “I’m happy if Heather’s happy.”

Should we tell her about how two girls-especially two girls that are best friends- loving the same boy usually ends in disaster? No. The moment was so sweet and innocent. And maybe Lexi will defy the norm and elevate someone else’s joy above her own.

At what age did you find out about the “love and stuff?”