“I think parents should be held accountable for their child’s actions…”

This is a partial quote by Julie Hertzog, the Director of the National Bullying Prevention Center, in response to one community’s decision to pass an ordinance that allows police to ticket parents of chronic bullies. The emphasis in the ordinance is on the response of the parents once they are notified in writing that their child has bullied another, whether face-to-face or by way of cyber bullying.

The community does not seek to punish parents who legitimately work to educate themselves and their child on the consequences and impact of bullying. As the chief of police of this community stated, “It’s the ones where you go knocking on the door and they say, ‘Hey, my kid’s perfect, you have no reason to come here,’ and slam the door in your face and they’re totally uncooperative. Those are the ones we’re trying to make an impact on.” So, like many other ordinances, the citation is given with discretion.

The purpose of this law is to eliminate bullying. That is a worthy goal and one every parent and human being can support. Yet, why do I feel uneasy about this ordinance? I shared this with my family over dinner, and I asked Lexi whether she thought parents should be punished if their child bullies another.

With a furrowed brow, she said, “No, that’s not right. Why should parents be punished for the choices their child makes?”

My husband applauded the ordinance, but I still felt unsettled by it. I wholeheartedly agree that parents have the most significant role in educating their children, and that many children who exhibit bullying behaviors have been allowed to continue with their behavior because their parents have stayed silent.

And there are other instances in which parents are punished for the actions of their child. Specifically, I think about a teenage driver who violates driving and traffic laws. While the child may have driving privileges revoked, it is the parent that often sees the impact through higher insurance premiums.

To be fair, here is the rest of the quote by Julie Hertzog:

“I think parents should be held accountable for their child’s actions, but I also think that in doing so, they need some education and resources about how they can help their child.”

Having worked in child welfare, I should have no qualms about this and cheer this community on for their efforts to eliminate bullying. But it’s because I’ve worked in child welfare that I’m a little afraid. Children and teenagers who are chronic bullies often mirror what they experience in their own homes. A parent who is belligerent enough to argue with a police officer and slam the door in his face will not take being ticketed well. Angry about the idea of paying $114 fine may cause them to pause and reflect on how they need to educate their child on the impact of bullying.
But that anger may also boil over, and you know who gets the brunt of the anger of a bullying parent?

Right…the child. And how far does a parent need to go to prove that they have done all they could before being cited?

Sometimes the very best intentions and the very best laws have unintended results. I could just be an excessive worrier. I also want to read the fine print of the ordinance.

What do you think about this ordinance?