“Hangin’ tough…” The New Kids on the Block knew what they were talking about! Why does doing the right thing have to be so difficult? Think about it. From childhood, we are taught right from wrong, and we pass the lessons on to our own children.

“Lexi, don’t stick your finger in the socket. Please don’t eat the dog’s food. I see the cookie in your mouth. Yes, the same cookie I told you not to eat because I wanted it for myself. Lexi, always speak up if someone bullies you, regardless of whether it’s a child or grown-up. Lexi, share your toys with friends. No, share, not bonk them on the head with it!”

On and on it goes, and it continues with even more intensity as we enter the workforce. I get nervous when I see a very thick employee handbook. I wonder why we have to spell out in detail the innumerable consequences of doing the wrong thing when we could share the impact of doing the right thing!

I was reminded recently that it’s difficult doing the right thing when there are potentially negative consequences for me personally. When I think of all the moments in my life when I struggled with whether to act with integrity, I’m ashamed to admit that I always knew the right thing to do, but didn’t want to for fear of how I would be impacted. Here are some examples:

• In college, I interned for a wonderful organization, but at the end of the internship, one of the leaders asked me to falsify a document so that they wouldn’t have to honor the contract of a third-party vendor. I refused, which resulted in the lowest performance appraisal of all time, and I forfeited the opportunity to work with them full-time after graduation.

• As a restaurant server, I was subjected to sexual harassment by a manager. When I learned that there were several other young women involved, I reported it. He was ultimately fired, but only after he threatened me physically. Instead of gratitude from any of the other women, I was met with hostility for having “rocked the boat.”

• In another position, I was confronted with progressive discipline that was untrue and questioned my character. When management suggested that they could “make the write-ups go away” if I just left the organization, I refused to do so. It wasn’t because I so desperately needed the job, but my character was on the line, and scare tactics don’t scare me. I was later asked to serve in a leadership capacity with the very same managers. Fun times…

• During a meeting, I observed how an upper-level leader demeaned others through sarcasm and subtle innuendo. I didn’t like it, and I certainly didn’t care how much “influence” this person had over others. It was bullying. Pure and simple. It’s never simple standing up to a bully in authority…

• And more recently, I was confronted with an opportunity to make a significant income. This is a season in which neither my husband and I are working, and it was awfully tempting, but it challenged me to compromise my integrity and doing what I knew was the right thing. It was so subtle, too. It required that I “look the other way.” But I couldn’t.

From your perspective, it may come across that I just enjoy conflict and confrontation. I really don’t I asked my husband whether everyone is confronted with these moments of integrity, and he confirmed that we all face these type of moments and that many people are just too afraid to do the right thing for fear of losing their jobs, getting black-balled, being branded a “trouble-maker,” etc…

I guess I have to be honest and say that because of moments such as the ones I described above, I have been on the outer fringes more times than I can count. But I’m more than alright with that. Life isn’t a popularity contest to me, and if doing the right thing further isolates me from the approval of people…then so be it.

Oh, and I understand that my idea of what is “right” is purely subjective, but I used to teach in leadership workshops that authenticity requires you to act in congruency with what you know to be true with yourself and the world.

If I had a do-over, I would make the exact same choices I did. The only thing I would have done differently is to make the right decision sooner instead of worrying about how it could impact me.

Have you made decisions with integrity to your detriment?