“I am not going to be able to deliver on the commitment I made to complete my part of the project in the time I stated. I apologize and realize that this not only impacts the project but also how you feel about my integrity and character. You may not have the same level of trust for me that you did prior to this, but I will work on following through on future commitments so that I can demonstrate that I am a trustworthy person.”

Oh…sorry… I was daydreaming again. This dialogue above didn’t actually take place. At work, I used to dream about my colleagues saying this to me instead of the myriad of excuses I used to hear about why something didn’t or couldn’t get done. Have you heard any of these yourself?

“I had the best of intentions when I promised to do x, y or z, but you know how busy life gets. I had all of these other priorities come at me and time just got away from me.”

“I know I said I’d do it, but when I started the assignment, I realized that I was confused about the instructions you gave. I knew you’d want it done with excellence so I opted not to do it-knowing you wouldn’t want something done with poor quality. Can you clarify what you needed done?”

“I know how you feel about punctuality, but traffic was ridiculous this morning. I know I should have called or texted to let you know, but it’s really not safe to use my phone while I’m driving and I knew you’d rather me play it safe instead of taking the chance of calling and having a wreck.”

I thoroughly dislike hearing people make excuses. Are there legitimate circumstances that prevent people from doing what they say they’ll do? Absolutely. But the individuals I respect most don’t provide excuses on a regular basis. They follow through on their commitments. When they don’t, I recognize that there is a legitimate reason. I am very understanding in that situation. However, I struggle with individuals who provide excuses on a regular basis. For me, it does become an issue of a person’s integrity and character.

The excuses that aggravate me the most usually start with some shared assumption.

“Nhung, you’ll understand why I was late. You have a child and know how hard it is to get out the door in time with kids.”

No, I don’t understand that. I do have a child who was once an infant, toddler, pre-schooler. Because I know having a child requires more preparation time, I schedule extra time even if that means waking up earlier than I would prefer. Usually, when I say this, then the other mother than moves to why I don’t understand since I only have one child. If I had more than one, I would understand. Ummm…sounds like another excuse to me.

“Nhung, I know I’m late to this meeting, but you know how it us when you have back to back to back meetings.”

See, I do understand that because there were times when I attended overlapping meetings, but it was pretty rare. If I was asked to attend consecutive meetings beginning at 10, 11, 12, and 1, I would need to make some decisions about which of the meetings were most important for me to attend, which ones I could send someone else and which ones I could miss altogether and still be caught up through written notes. I had peers who gave me this excuse to explain why they were late on a regular basis. It got old, and I saw it as a person’s inability to prioritize.

But you know what’s worse than hearing someone else make excuses?

Not recognizing when I am the one making the excuses. Last week, I joined a women’s bible study group that includes “homework” on a weekly basis. I didn’t complain one bit about the assignments because I enjoy rigorous study groups. But two days before this week’s class, I could not find my homework sheets. I looked everywhere. I also admit to trying to pin it on my six-year-old daughter, but she was on to me and wanted me to admit that I had lost my homework. I gave her grief when she lost her homework a few weeks ago so she wasn’t going to let me slide. And, oh, how I tried.

“I didn’t lose the homework. I just misplaced it. Are you sure you didn’t use it for your artwork? Maybe you or daddy accidentally moved it.”

I threw it away. Accidentally of course, but even then I found another scapegoat.

“See, honey, this is why I don’t clean that often. When I do, I throw away vital papers like your passport and my homework. It’s better for all of us if I don’t clean.”

You’d think I had more sense than this, but I kept digging a deeper hole. I knew the homework was accessible online so I completed it online, patted myself on the back and hit “print” so I would have it ready for my study group the following day. It was out of ink. It was my printer's fault.

I was ready to explain to my group leader why I didn’t have my homework, but when I said it out loud, it sounded lame even to my own ears. How can I be so annoyed by other people’s excuse-making and yet think I’m justified in making excuses?

Pride-that’s why. Pride in thinking that my excuses will be accepted readily by others when the converse isn’t true.

Under my daughter’s watchful eye, I redid my homework assignment. I can’t teach her that regular excuse-making isn’t acceptable and continue to do it myself.