That’s what my five-year-old said to me.  Sounds harsh, I know, but to be fair, I was doing some heavy duty reflection and bouncing ideas off of a kindergartner.  That’s a lot of pressure!

I sometimes forget that while she’s an old soul, she’s also five and enjoys watching Curious George on PBS and eating oatmeal with sprinkles on top. She’s a really good listener, though, and asks appropriate questions so I get a little delusional and use her as a counselor.  So wrong. I’m not justifying my behavior. I’m just admitting another parenting flaw of mine.

We were both getting ready this morning and I was contemplating where life was going to take us next and I gave voice to multiple options.  I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by the choices and uncertainty, and just said, “Lexi, help me out and make the life choices for me….please?”

“Make your own life choices, mommy.  I have enough choices of my own to make!”

Oh, laughter is heavenly when your brain feels like it’s going to combust.  Lexi, what life choices do you have to make, sweetie? “Well, I have to decide every day whether I’m going to put first things first and get ready or lollygag and be late for school. Then I have to decide whether I want brown sugar or syrup in my oatmeal and whether I want the sprinkles in a shape or no shape. I also have to decide who I’m going to play with at school because there are so many friends and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.”

Wow, if that doesn’t put me in my place or humble me, I’m not sure what will.  Maybe it’s because she is an only child or because she’s always with me and listening to everything I say, I have contributed to making her older than she is!  Poor thing does have some decisions to make.  It was easy to want to laugh it off and not take her seriously, but her face told me that they mattered to her. So they matter to me. 

I did some deep, deep reflection about not only life choices but my parenting skills on the way to work. As I was dropping her off, I hear, “Mommy, if we need to move and leave our house one day, it’ll be okay. I’m nervous and don’t want to think about it, but it’ll be okay.”

It’s so quick how laughter turns to tears.  Too old, too soon, but it did my soul good to hear that from my sweet girl. Our job as a parent isn’t to influence our children to think we’re always right. It’s not to sway them towards our way of thinking or receive affirmation of our own life choices.  It’s to constantly educate them so they make informed decisions.

When they’re young and still living with us, they have no choice but to come along for the tumultuous ride.  I would completely understand if my five-year-old was saddened and even angered by the idea of leaving the comforts of home and community for…something unknown.

But her spirit of willingness is a balm to my neurotic fear.

For those who wonder the value children bring in our lives, I’ve just experienced reason #581.