How’s that for an encouraging story title? I had an epiphany moment this week…courtesy of my six-year-old daughter and husband, of course. The epiphany for me is that I am not nearly as encouraging as I thought I was. In my role as a leadership development specialist, my purpose was to assist-to encourage-others to achieve their potential as leaders and human beings. But now that I reflect on the past few years, I can recall the many times in which I taught a skill or concept by sharing the negative impact of not applying the principle or applying it incorrectly. Why did I think that would be helpful?

I did the same thing to Lexi this week. In my mind, I was encouraging Lexi to read more books this week than she had ever read before so I used reverse psychology.

“Lexi, when I was your age, I read 25 books in one week one time. I bet you can’t read more than that.”

I cringe even typing it. Competition certainly has its place, but not in this moment. And Lexi let me know it.

“Momma, you’re not encouraging me. When you tell me I can’t do something, I feel like I can’t do it. When you tell me that I can do something, then I think I can.”

Gulp. I felt properly chastised in that moment. And then my husband softly spoke up, and said, “I could use encouragement, too.”

Everyone appreciates encouragement. I know that. I just didn’t realize that the ways in which I tried to encourage those I love don’t actually come across as encouragement, but as criticism or judgment. That certainly isn’t the legacy I want to leave. I want my husband and daughter to look back on my life and confirm that I was their #1 fan!

I wanted to defend myself and say, “I do encourage you. Remember the time I said good job for…” But I use that strategy all the time to deflect from the present feedback. I just had to swallow my pride and acknowledge that in that moment, I had discouraged my child from believing she had the capacity to do something.

Some of you will say I’m being too hard on myself and that we all make mistakes as spouses, parents, employees, etc…, but I’m going to push back and say that maybe we should all be tougher on ourselves and hold ourselves more accountable for how our words and actions impact others. Lexi starts first grade in August, and I can’t afford to be discouraging. There are enough naysayers in the world without her coming home and receiving more of it from her momma.

Do others view you as an encourager?