Yes, I realize that this is an online forum for mom, which makes it a “mom group.” I’m not opposed to spending time with you all and discussing topics of significance to us as working mothers. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy the camaraderie we share here. I just think the dynamic would change if we committed to forming a mom group that met face-to-face for coffee on a weekly basis. I would have to say no to that.

I did say no to that. This morning. It was slightly awkward because the invitation came from a friend whom I admire as a wife, mom and woman, but I am not going down that path again. The invitation conjured up too many bad memories of mom groups during the “early days” of parenthood. For those who have joined such groups, you know I speak the truth. As a new mom, you feel overwhelmed-not because one child is inherently difficult-but because you have never been responsible for a little person before and no parenting book or magazine prepared you for the loneliness and isolation you feel when your husband walks out the door for the next 9 hours…leaving you with the baby.

So what do you do? You join a mom group and fast. What can be better than scheduling a time to fellowship with other women who are in the same season of life as you? What is better than having a support system that understands your frustrations of having an infant who refuses to get on a schedule and celebrates with you because your daughter discovered her thumb? In theory, the benefits are tremendous. In practice…not so much.

I found myself highly annoyed on a weekly basis. Especially when the moms developed a “snack rotation” to determine which of us was going to bring the refreshments. Seriously? That was my solace from having to meet the food demands of another person. If you want a snack, bring your own! Then there were the endless conversations, or shall I say, comparisons, among all the infants.

“Oh, my angel started smiling last week. He’s downright photogenic, and I can tell he’s going to be a ladies’ man. Oh, your little one hasn’t smiled yet? Don’t worry too much. All children develop at their own pace. I’m sure it’ll happen any day now for you. She’s still within the normal range. But if she doesn’t start smiling next month, then I’d make an appointment with her pediatrician.”

I’m pretty sure I laughed at most of the inane comments made during those mom groups. And it should be no surprise to anyone that these weekly meetings turned into their own soap operas where people’s lives and decisions were dissected and analyzed under the microscope as though our lives were so far superior.

Why did I stay, you might ask. Because back then, I thought there was something wrong with being a loner. I wanted adult conversation and a periodic reprieve from my own thoughts and struggles. But I walked away from the mom group. I literally walked away. I had been meeting with the same women for most of the first year of Lexi’s life, and it ended for me at a birthday party. The other four children of the group were toddling about, and the other moms used the opportunity to hold an intervention with me about Lexi’s “development delays” since she was 14 months old and still crawling. I picked up my child, and I walked out of the birthday party and away from the moms.

It was a dysfunctional relationship that lasted too long. Now, I recognize that many of you have had positive experiences with mom groups, and I in no way am suggesting that they are similar to my experience. I just picked the wrong group of moms. We had different values and different agendas for the time together. We weren’t the right fit for each other.

Ladies, if you meet with other moms and feel discouraged afterwards, stop and assess the fit. Have the courage to walk away and find a new set of moms. I do meet with other moms, but not in a group format. For me, I get what I need from one-on-one coffee conversations with other moms. And there are many times when we don’t agree on each other’s parenting decisions, but respect each other’s right to parent our child(ren) the way we see fit.

What has your experience with mom groups been like?