I recognize this is not an achievement, and I have no intent in glorifying this as a strength in any way.

But before I continue, I need to clarify that my being two-faced is not in reference to how I treat people. We have all observed and encountered individuals who fake kindness to people in their presence but destroy their character as soon as they are absent. We are flawed people. I get that, but I strive to remain “loyal to the absent.” Gossip has to be one of the most damaging evils I’ve personally witnessed, and I want no part of it. In the past I have excised myself from relationships, friendships, bunco groups, mom groups, etc… in attempts to avoid the harm that gossiping inflicts.

If the relationship matters, you aren’t going to talk poorly about the individual to others. If the issue is that important, you will address it directly to the individual. It’s the right thing and the kindest thing to do. Now some of you may be thinking, “Nhung, I’ve heard you say some pretty candid things to people to their face. If that’s what you say to them in person, what must you say about them behind their backs.” You don’t have to wonder. Whether you’ve been an observer or on the receiving end of tough feedback from me, you don’t have to wonder and be anxious about what I’m saying behind your back. I’m not. I just said it to your face. I get that you might be used to others talking badly about you behind your back, but any effectiveness I have had in my professional life has often come from the fact that I’m not two-faced when it comes to treating others with dignity.

However, I am two-faced, three-faced, even multi-faced when it comes to technology. I’ve only celebrated my year anniversary of having text messaging on my phone. I’m days away from disconnecting cable because I rarely watch television. Don’t ask me for the last movie I’ve seen or the top ten songs on the Billboards. I don’t know. I haven’t been paying attention.

And I’ve passed this legacy on to my daughter Lexi as well. She and other friends were at an end-of-the- year party and were all asked to identify their favorite singer/band and tv actor/actress. All the other children answered, “Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, etc…” Lexi just shrugged her shoulders. She doesn’t know who those people are. She couldn’t name a favorite singer or band or tv actor because while my husband and I do expose her to music and theater, we just don’t let her listen to music on the radio or pretty much anything on television. Because the adult in front of her was pressuring her to select any singer/band/actor, Lexi said, “Curious George” as her favorite tv actor. It was a tossup between Curious George and Blue from Blue’s Clues.

But I have a guilty pleasure when it comes to technology and cultural norms…and that’s Facebook. I admit it. I love Facebook, and that makes me two-faced. Lexi held me accountability to my incongruent feelings about technology the other day. I was scrolling through my Facebook newsfeed, and Lexi saw a picture of a baby and asked me whose baby it was. I had to admit that I had no idea who the person was. The name was vaguely familiar to me, but clearly, this friend was not a close friend because she had a baby, and I didn’t know about it.

“Mommy, why are friends with people you don’t know?” Guilty! Guilty! Guilty! I know, Lexi, it’s a horrible thing, but I’m strangely addicted to knowing what’s going on in people’s lives…at least in the lives I’m connected to on Facebook.

I do enjoy reading my newsfeed every day. I like knowing that you’re in the drive-thru of McDonald’s wondering if you should order a sausage burrito or just get a cup of coffee because I do the same thing sometimes. I like seeing your vacation pictures because, usually, they show you rested and relaxed. I also get to live vicariously through your pictures. I like reading random quotes because it gives me a glimpse into who you are. I like knowing you’re about to do your fifth load of laundry because I usually have four loads piled on my bed. I like reading about your joys, sorrows, random factoids of the day. And while I don’t always agree with your thoughts and opinions about every subject on the planet, I like that you let people know where you stand.

I don’t need to watch television and reality tv shows because I have Facebook and I get to stay updated on the story of your lives with its highs and lows and, yes, even the drama. This makes me two-faced because I can write a dissertation on all the ways technology in general sucks our brain cells and makes us more ineffective at communicating and relationships.

Did I already say we’re flawed people? Good. I know I’m flawed.

Is there any particular issue on which you are two-faced?