That’s what I said out loud after dinner last night as I was washing the dishes. And I did so because my husband threw a wadded up napkin at me. My first inclination was to turn to my five year old, and say, “Your daddy threw a napkin at me!” I fully expected my daughter to stand up for me. She sees the world in such black and white views that I thought she would communicate to her father that throwing things is never appropriate.

Without looking up, she says, “Mommy, it’s not nice to tattle. You need to work it out with daddy yourself.”

Silence. But, Lexi, didn’t you see what he did? I needed her to reinforce that I was the wronged individual.

“Work it out yourself.” Where did you learn that from, Lexi? Since she regularly refers to the wise teachings of Caillou, Dora, and Curious George, I again, expected her to name one of the triumvirate. But, no.

“I learned it from you, Mommy. I hear you say it all the time. Work it out yourself.”

And that is so true. At work, I facilitate conflict resolution, and while I say it with more diplomacy, my core message is that the parties directly involved in the conflict first need to come together and work it out themselves before other steps are taken. I didn’t realize that I used the same tactic when helping my daughter resolve conflict with her friends at school.
Well, I know I use the same tactic. I just didn’t know that she truly heard me and could process that concept.

Children are phenomenal little beings. She could have stood on principle with right and wrong. She could have sided with one parent or the other -depending on her mood at the moment. But she opted to remain objective and put the solution back upon us…or me in particular. She’s a consultant in the making…

I love that about her. Now I wonder how I can retaliate against my husband since I know tattling on his part won’t garner any sympathy with my daughter…