It was two years ago that I began writing for Working Mother Media, and my posts heavily focus on all the lessons I learn daily from my family, friends and people I meet during my travels. It all began when a former friend told me in an anonymous survey that I needed to work on humility. And why did she feel the need to tell me anonymously? Because, apparently, I also became defensive when receiving feedback I didn’t like. After getting over the initial sting, I thought about it and agreed that humility was not one of my strengths.

That began my journaling regularly about my interactions with others, especially family and colleagues. I recently read a series of entries during these past two years where I apologized to either my boss or colleagues twelve times over three months for my arrogance and pride. But as I read the entries, I felt the strong sense that I shouldn’t have apologized. Here is one example:

“Today, [my boss] shared with me that one of my peers was frustrated and resentful because I seem to receive more significantly challenging assignments. The conversation ended with my apologizing for accepting them and agreeing to turn down the next assignment asked of me from upper leadership.”

And another:

“Today, one of my team members commented that I made her feel bad when I spent more hours studying my training material. I apologized for doing something that made her feel bad and offered to spend less time studying. She thought this was a good idea because people could misconstrue my actions as trying to outdo other people.”

Many of the entries included my apologies for someone else’s feelings. It’s ludicrous. I know my actions have an impact on others, but I realized was how often I apologized for things that I didn’t need to apologize for. I was so focused on “keeping the peace” that I made sacrifices in the quality of my work so others wouldn’t feel bad, frustrated or resentful.

That’s not humility. I don’t even know what the word for that is.

Every day, I question whether I’ve been arrogant and proud and whether I need to apologize for my words and actions. Too often I say, “I’m sorry,” when there’s no reason for it. My husband has been annoyed by my over-apologizing before so I’m sorry that I won’t be saying “I’m sorry” nearly as often.