Before you get angry with me, I am only repeating the conclusion made by my five-year-old so if you’re angry with anyone, you can be angry with her.

I have just starting reading Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James Dobson, and I read a section to Lexi about how girls seem to be more intuitive in understanding the feelings and attitudes of their parents than boys. Then we discussed how Lexi manifested this intuition just this week. I had a rough day yesterday. I have not been sleeping well and was not dreaming about “raindrops on roses” or “whiskers on kittens.” I was in a bad mood, but I didn’t say anything because I knew that it would come out through my tone and words.

But as I buckled Lexi in, she asked, “Are you sad, mama?” Why do you ask, Lex? “I don’t know, mommy, you just seem sad today. Are you sad?” I am, Lex, but it’s nothing you need to worry about. I’ll be fine, and I’m going to pray to have a really great day.

So after sharing that heartfelt moment yesterday to demonstrate how she was able to pick up on my mood, Lexi attempted to paraphrase by stating, ‘So what you’re trying to say is that girls are smarter than boys.”

No. No. No. That is not what I said at all, little girl. I clearly stated that girls are more perceptive about how others are feelings than boys. That’s it. It was in no way a thesis statement on the intellectual capacities of either gender. I thought it was tremendously telling, though, of how often girls and women attempt to “read between the lines” and end up telling themselves a story that isn’t true. Even though I said nothing to the effect of girls being smarter than boys, that is what Lexi heard. It’s mildly disturbing because I see how often it negatively impacts relationships and why misunderstandings happen so often.

Hmmm…but as I think about this even further, I can think of examples of times when my actual words have been taken so far out of context. That what people hear has no resemblance to the message that has been delivered. How does that happen? What I share with participants in leadership workshops is that whether we want to believe it or not, we filter every word through our own lenses, experiences and understanding of the world. This is why I can invite someone to my house, and if the other individual says, “I can’t make it tonight,” I can interpret that as “this person doesn’t think my house is big enough or clean enough.”

That’s horrible. Some would say that’s human nature. Well, human nature is deeply flawed and we need to listen to people with the mindset that they mean what they say unless their actions say otherwise.

But just out of curiosity, raise your hand if you really do think girls are smarter than boys?